Red and Violent ✔️

Chapter 28: First Love, Last Love

T/W: Suicide.
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"Kookie! I told you to move to the left!" Hoseok said frustratingly. "Let's have a break guys." He clapped. Everyone went close to Jungkook as he sat on the floor where he was standing.

"Jungkook. Sejin said it's only a couple of days and she'll be back. You need to focus. She's in her home now and we know she's safe." Jimin said.

Jimin, Taehyung, Jin, Hoseok were waiting for them to come from the hospital as they weren't able to accompany them for safety reasons.

"I want to be by her side." He mumbled. "Why won't she let me know what's wrong?!" He swore under his breath.

Yoongi crossed his legs as he sat next to him. "She'll come and tell you. Remember that she told you to work hard."

"Can I call her house?" He asked like a kid asking for his mom's hug. Namjoon sighed and took his phone and the card out. He called.

"Hi, is this the Reid's residence?"

"It's Namjoon. Can we please check on Catherine?"

"Sure, thank you."

Namjoon took the phone away from his ears and put it on mute.

"They'll get us her physician." He put the call on loudspeaker.

"Hi, this is Dr. Dana. How may I help you?"

Jungkook hurried near the phone and attempted English.

"This is Jungkook, I am Kaesolin's boyfriend." That was the first time for Jungkook to say that sentence out loud. It was his first time to say 'boyfriend' it came to him naturally. That was the first time to admit it to someone other than the boys. Namjoon got worried at first but he knew that the Reids will never release this information after knowing their status.

"How do you do, Jungkook?" Dr. Dana replied in Korean. "Anything I can help you with?" She was informed by Paul about everyone she's working with.

"I just want to know how Kaesolin is. Please, is she okay? Is she sleeping properly? Is she eating well? Is she stabilizing? Can I talk to her?" The questions bulleted out of him and he couldn't stop himself until Taehyung held his shoulder to get him back into reality.

"Miss Reid is doing fine. She's getting all the attention she needs." She said shortly.

"Can I see her?"

"No, Jungkook, seeing her isn't feasible at the time being." Dana was replying in short sentences and that angered Jungkook.

"When will she be back?"

"No information can be further revealed. I am deeply sorry."

"What the fuck—" the moment he cursed Hoseok held him and Namjoon took back the phone and closed the loudspeaker.

"I apologize, doctor. He's just anxious."

"It's understandable, mister. No need to worry about Miss Reid. We appreciate your call. Talk to you later." Dr. Dana wrapped up the call hurriedly as someone called for her. Namjoon sensed the rustle around her. He made no remarks about it. When he turned back to Jungkook he was still cursing.

"I've never heard such a dry tone before! That bitch made me worry more!" The boys just stayed next to him.

On the other side of the phone the doctor was quickly summoned by the nurse to your room. After 11 hours of sleep you finally woke up. She sat next to your bed as you got up.

"I need to take a shower." You said grumpily. The doctor took a mental note about how you were concerned about your hygiene which made her a bit positive.

Taking good care of your hygiene meant depression hasn't completely taken over. She aided you to get up and she ordered the nurses to help you out. She feared any self-harm and suicidal behavior so you had to be accompanied by the nurses.

"Don't worry. I won't kill my self." You laughed mockingly.

"I know. I just fear for your safety."

As you were getting out of the shower she was waiting for you in the office. You got dressed and messily put your hair in what looks like a bun. When you got in you sat and immediately started talking.

"I was speaking about her before I went numb, haven't I?" You asked, knowing the answer. She nodded and seemed to leave you some space to express yourself. You stayed silent, however.

"What's on your mind, now?" She said calmly.

"I blame her for everything. She's a killer. She killed the whole family by betraying. If I knew she would do that to my father I would've never left London. I would've stayed next to him all the time. Held him all the time."

You started crying, "Sometimes," you sniffed "I feel like maybe I am the one who killed him by leaving him alone with her." You were running after each thought trying to ground them down and set them into place before they consume you into another attack.

Dana listened to you attentively with no interruptions. "I'm the one who killed them by leaving." You shook your head obsessively as your tears streamed down your face.

"I know we worked over this for the past years but the moment I landed here, it all rushed back in." You took a deep breath.

"The last time he came to meet me in Korea, it took me by surprise because dad didn't have any reason to come visit. He wasn't a man of surprises either. He talked a lot about my boyfriend at that time."

"I remember how he told me to love with all my will and might. To love with no expectations. He told me that my love shouldn't be shaken by betrayal. He told me to love myself above all else. For when you lose the love of those around you, you'll always love yourself back to wellness."

" It all sounded like love advice and nothing rang a bell. He gifted me a 10 million dollars painting named 'first love last love' and I never read between the lines."

Dana has already heard this all back when she was treating you in Korea but she listened anyways.

"After he went back to London, Gaven called me." you mentioned your younger brother and it sent a lump to your throat. You coughed hard.

"He sounded hysteric and I could hear Paul whispering in his ear 'don't panic.' At first I thought my brother was relapsing and I was already planning to go back to London to be there for him when he shouted, 'he killed him self. There's too much blood.' At that moment I knew who he was talking about.

"All his conversation ran back in. I went on the first flight to london. I was wearing my pajamas and my slippers with no bag whatsoever. Mom's driver came in and took me. She wasn't in the house. She didn't make it to the funeral. I heard murmurs all around about how she's away with her new young boyfriend. I knew, then, who to blame."

"I know how my dad's side of the family suffered from mental illnesses. I mean, mum's did, too. But she couldn't handle him at his lows as he handled her. So, she had to leave for someone else's highs. She killed them." You uttered after your tears were long dried.

The talk has drained you so much you started feeling sleepy. "I want to go back to my room." You said standing up. There would be no use to talk about what happened after that, now.

Your dad was telling you things like he was trying to remind himself of why he loved her in the first place. He wasn't talking to you all along. He was talking to himself. He failed to make his thoughts manifest themselves in his reality. His demons were too loud. His depression was too real. He chose to end his suffering and you couldn't handle that fact. That was just the flutter of the butterfly's wings and the storm followed.