Red and Violent ✔️

Chapter 41: The Demon of The Past

When you arrived at your brother's home, he wasn't there. He was abroad. He's coming back later that night. The first thing you did was call Dr. Dana.

"Hey, doctor, how are you?"

"I'm good, Catherine. How's everything?"

"I'm okay. Kind of. Can I come to your office in an hour?"

"An hour? Where are you?"

"London. I left the tour a little bit early. I need to talk. I'm extremely stressed. I am failing to neutralize my breathing."

"I'm free, now, Catherine. Please come at once."

You didn't even change. You know how disgusting it was but you had no energy to do anything but cry and talk and the only right place for you was at Dana's office. When you got in, she'd already prepared you some anise tea and she seated you on your favorite seat at the office. You were panting like you ran your way from Paris to her office. You got your inhaler out and used it. She was sitting looking at you and assuring you silently.

"I ran away." You started with that. She didn't do anything but nod in understanding. "Remember Sejin? He made a move one day and.." you explained the whole story.

"What's fucking with me is that, how haven't I felt something from him any time sooner? I'm that person who reads the room pretty well. The interest was too sudden. Plus, how the fuck did those photos leak? Like, me and Jungkook hang out a lot and we never had our pictures taken. Why would the paparazzi be following Sejin? How did they know we're there in the first place." You paused to take your breath.

"Sejin never gave out that vibe. He never looked like someone illogical. Am I just losing my ability to judge people? This doesn't feel logic!" You ranted for a full hour and Dana was listening attentively.

"It sure is mind boggling— the change, the determination to ruin everything even if it doesn't mean you'll be with him at the end of it. I can't quite place a logical motive. It must be frustrating."

"And then there's Jungkook. Did I lose the man I love? 3 years after, I never thought I'd have someone like him. Months later, I lose him. After making my heart pump with life, he didn't let me explain. He didn't trust me. It's like he doesn't know me. Like, he never knew me in the first place. How can I be capable of infidelity?" You started crying.

Your hands shook as you were holding the empty cup of tea. You've been holding it ever since you started. Holding it felt like the only control you're able to assert inside this mayhem.

"What do you think he's thinking of right now?"

"I don't think he's thinking of me. And if he is, he's probably disappointed in himself for ever trusting me." You stopped talking to swallow. "He probably hates me, now. He's probably glad I'm away."

"Do you think he's that type of a person who jumps to such conclusions?"

You stopped for a moment and started going through every intimate moment you had with him when you guys opened up and talked about your fears. You started shaking your head.

"He's not a person to hate. I don't think he's capable of feeling that. I think it's normal to feel disappointment. I mean, he saw me holding his hands the day after I hung out with him. But, why not let me speak? Explain?"

"You mentioned he didn't want to fight with you?" You nodded.

"You think Sejin played a role in his unwillingness to reason with me?"

"Plausible."

The session was soon over. You went back home feeling a lot lighter having vented. Dana was good at what she did and she never failed to effortlessly reason with your negative thoughts. Her slightest nods at the right times made a difference. You were glad you had the chance to go to a therapist that helped you process your emotions in a healthy way. Dana has contributed to your livelihood and you were grateful for that.

The moment you approached the house you felt a rumble inside. When the door was opened your brother was right at the door. He looked pale.

"Paul?"

"Catherine! Why haven't you told me you were coming?" That question didn't hold an unwelcoming tone rather than fear.

"What's wrong?"

"Catherine, leave before—" he was interrupted by a piercing high asian accented English. That voice hasn't made its way to your ears in years. You could smell her pretentious mousy smell from where you were standing.

"She's here?" A tone of mockery and condescending filled the sound waves that hit your ears.

You made a fist and hit the door so hard your knuckles started bleeding. Your brother held you tight. Your heart was molding into stone. Your body didn't fail. Your mind didn't, either. All you felt was a scorching fury holding on to all your muscles and willfulness. You felt homicidal and you didn't fight those urges not with one cell.