☓ 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄! ; MATSUNO SEXTUPLETS ☓

i'm sorry - please read everything

hello everyone,

i know that this update/announcement or whatever this is, is long overdue and it was really selfish of me to keep you all in the dark for years. so this is me finally facing things.

i am so so so sorry about everything. i know a lot of you are disappointed in me and my lack of motivation for writing this book and i agree. i'm very disappointed in myself as well.

i'm really ashamed about all the actions i took regarding the progress of this book, there really are no words to fully iterate how horrible i feel and have been feeling for the time between writing new chapters and the years it's taken me to write this apology.

i only gave you all empty promises and, i'm sorry for that. But i can't feel sorry for the determination i felt when making those promises as i had every intention of following them through; i still have the files and plans and unfinished writings on my laptop to prove that mindset. the idea of giving back to my encouraging, lovely readers at the time for my lack of ability and chapter updates was my only consolation.

it's upsetting to me how i always found myself feeling so unmotivated and just exhausted whenever it came to the thought of writing chapters for this book again.

i can say that the timing was bad; when i started this, my GCSE exams were drawing near, but and then straight after that were two years of intense study for my psychology, biology, and art and design a levels, during which i also had to think about the UCAT exam because i was determined to get into medicine for university.

i can also say that i was struggling through self-esteem issues and my own insecurities in addition to personal issues that occurred in my family life.

and i can say that my own perfectionist mindset didn't allow me to post any chapter that i was unsatisfied with. just for an example most updates midway through this book started taking several drafts to complete, each of which only had my frustrations growing every time because i felt so incompetent about my writing.

i can say ALL these things but i know that, at the end of the day, these are just excuses i'm using to comfort myself because my writing at the time was horrendous to me and i didn't want to face it. as time went on, i grew even more and more insecure so updates became a rare occurrence for this book.

to be truthful, i love love love this book because it was the first book i had started after giving up on writing. i used to have an old writing account before this one, i started it when i was around 12 but abandoned quickly because i just hated how my writing sounded and how baseless and cliche the plots were.

this book was my first step back into writing again and the positive response was so exciting to me. i loved writing this book. i loved reading your comments. i loved that people loved this book as much as i did. but then things got complicated and i hated disappointing you all with poor writing on top of late updates. i wanted your wait between chapters to be worth it but it never felt like it was to me when i was writing draft after draft after draft and replanning old plans over and over again.

many of you loved this book so much that i didn't want to read any comments. i was afraid of the harsh words people would throw at me, questioning me about my lack of updates and pointing out how amateurish my writing and plotlines were. but it only hurt even more when i realised that there was hardly any negativity and you were all only encouraging me and being so patient and understanding.

i remember crying because i was so happy and disappointed in myself at the same time the night i decided to be brave and look at the comments again. i was too much of a coward to say anything about wanting to discontinue this series because i didn't want you to be disappointed. however, i only ended up being more of a disappointment to myself by stringing you all along.

for that, i'm sorry once again. i'll apologise for however long it'll take for you all to forgive me and my incompetence. but it's also okay if you don't forgive me.

my brother taught me, at a young age, to finish what i started and i lived by that rule every day after he taught me that for the first time, but this book is only evidence of how much of a disappointment i am.

i tried to fix it. i really did, but i didn't know where else this storyline could go. my mind was blank. i had no basis for this story, no proper intended ending, i only started it on a cliche story arch that i liked the idea of. i didn't know where to go so i panicked and added ocs to fill in gaps. thankfully, you all liked them but it only furthered my insecurities in writing.

i really had nowhere to go, i had no grasp of the plot, there aren't any deeper meanings behind the story arch - if there is an arch! and there was no praiseworthy character development, i'm not adding anything to your lives when you read this book. i'm not putting forward any moral lessons for you to learn from, i'm not challenging your minds to think about some strange, deeper concept, i'm not making your time reading this story worthwhile so that must mean the wait for each chapter isn't worth it either and so my writing isn't worth reading.

sitting here and writing out all my thoughts and worries and struggles with this book is relieving but it also makes me realise that i don't know what to do moving forward.

i didn't intend to do this but putting everything out there, i really value your opinion about what i should do so i've created a little poll for you to partake in if you wish. it concerns what i should do about this book.

at first, i wanted to write 'DISCONTINUED' on the title but that didn't feel right to, i think, it never really did. again, this was the first book i started as my step back into writing so i didn't want to give up on this book, i still don't but i see no end in this plot and it's scary. the only end i can think of is idiotic, stupid and underdeveloped. i don't want that for you guys.

you've pushed me to improve and continue writing so you deserve better than a half-hearted ending. i really don't know what to do, please help me out. whatever the poll decides, i'll stick to.

if any of you have any questions or anything to say then please feel free to comment or private message me, i promise to reply to everyone because that's what you all deserve.

thank you and again, i'm incredibly sorry.

here is the link to the poll : https://forms.gle/2YPzzcpKACeKSy178

✦ edit: The poll will be open until Wednesday 3rd June 2020, thank you all for everything and for participating in this - it really helps me out ✦