Great Expectations [ A Niall Horan OU ]

drabble: the first night (at the hospital)

A/N: Hello, all! I hope you are well. Wattpad does not allow me to hyperlink posts, but if you visit this drabble on my Tumblr, there are several links to educational resources for young adults and children surrounding BLM. If you don't follow my current story, the latest chapter has several other resources as well. to my black readers: i am here for you, i support you, and i want to do my part. 

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For the past few months, Niall thought he'd gained a thorough understanding of what it meant to feel helpless.

He felt helpless watching Gia not being able to open up to him about how her parents treated her. He felt helpless because he couldn't help her as much as he wanted to. He felt helpless because all he wanted to do was protect her, protect their baby. And he felt helpless for the past 15 hours, watching Gia in so much pain.

But now, as he rushes after Dr. Patel and her staff to the NICU and mindlessly follows their instructions, pulling on the pink colored protective gown over his clothes and stepping inside after them as they settle his brand new baby girl in an incubator, he understands that he's never felt more helpless in his life.

He stays toward the back, letting the team that delivered her work. Mostly he's scared of getting in the way, but he's also terrified that he'll do something wrong. His eyes have barely left his newborn daughter since she came out into this world.

But when Dr. Patel scoots to the right and he gets a completely unobscured shot of her — Niall's heart sinks. They've put on a tiny, tiny oxygen mask on his baby's face and she's got a few wires strapped to her tiny chest, held there by soft skin pads, and Niall wants to burst into tears.

He's kept it together for the past two days for Gia's sake, to keep her calm, but now that their baby is here — he feels miserable. Like he couldn't do his job to protect either of his girls. Gia's all alone and his baby needs help breathing.

Dr. Patel must sense his turmoil because she turns away from the monitors and machines and frowns when she spots him huddled in the corner. "Mr.Horan, you can come closer now. We just needed to get her settled into the NICU incubator."

The nurses and team start clearing out until there's just one of them left, recording something in his daughter's chart. Niall walks to the other side of the incubator, his eyes welling with tears as he gets closer. His little girl is small, at 33 weeks, but not as small as she could be. It still makes him sad. He wants to reach into the glass case and pull her to his chest and promise her that he won't ever let anything happen to her again.

"Is she okay?" He asks, his eyes focused on the rise and fall of her tummy.

"She's doing alright," Dr. Patel replies confidently. "Having a little trouble with the oxygen, but it's evening out."

Niall startles when a sound erupts from behind him, only for him to turn and see the nurse who was recording in the chart has brought him a chair. He nods at her and sinks into it, scooting it closer to the incubator. He promised Gia he wouldn't leave their little girl's side.

Dr. Patel remains silent on the other side of the incubator, watching the monitors carefully. After a few minutes, she seems satisfied with the numbers. She glances at the brand new father who is protectively watching his baby. She smiles at him. "You can touch her, you know."

Niall's head snaps up at that, tired eyes suddenly alert.

Dr. Patel reaches into a box and hands him a pair of rubber gloves. "Slip these on and then you can put your hands through these." She demonstrates, sinking one of her hands through the holes in the incubator and brushing the top of the baby's head ever so gently.

Niall snaps his gloves on and follows the instruction, but he hesitates, unsure if he wants to disturb her. She looks so cozy, all sleep with her tiny lips pursed in a pout.

"It's good for her," Dr. Patel encourages, her voice gentle over the symphony of machines beeping rhythmically. "NICU babies like touch."

Niall swallows thickly before he mimics her movement, brushing the top of his baby's head. Her hair is thick already, dark just like her mother's. He carefully brushes his thumb against her cheek. In her sleep, she turns towards his touch. His heart soars.

"Her levels her fine for now," Dr Patel says quietly. "We're going to go check on Gia, but I'll have a resident come check on her every half hour. If you need to contact the nurses station, the button is there." She points it out. "Do you need anything else, Mr. Horan?"

Niall forces himself to look away from his daughter, staring blankly at the doctor for a moment. "Could I get an update on Gia? I don't like leaving her all alone but she insisted I come with the baby."

"Of course," Dr. Patel confirms. "I'll have a resident come back right away with a report."

"Thank you," Niall sighs, looking back at his baby. In a gentler voice he asks, "She'll be alright, right? What you said earlier... nothing bad will happen to her, right?"

"There's no guarantees in medicine," Dr. Patel begins carefully. "But as I said, baby's born this early do have a good survival rate. And she looks like she's a fighter from her results so far."

Niall nods and Dr. Patel walks around the incubator, squeezing his shoulder before she and the nurse leave. Niall brings his hand down by his daughter's small one. They don't have a name for her yet, so her records have been dubbed Baby Horan.

He glances around the NICU where there are other parents and baby's in incubators too. All of them, like him, are focused on their children. His body is exhausted and he wants to rest, but he turns back towards his baby.

He keeps his voice low, "Hi, baby. It's your daddy," he murmurs. He guides his index finger to settle into the cradle of her tiny, tiny palm. His eyes are glued to her fingers, each one so small and delicate — just like her. He's in awe of her.

"Welcome to the world," he says with a sigh. "You did good so far. I need you to keep fighting for me and mumma, alright? Just a little bit more. I know you can." At this point, Niall's glad the incubator is stationed further away from the others. Whether it's the lack of sleep or the overwhelming love he has for his daughter, he's not sure, but he continues talking to her.

"And don't be scared," his voice shakes as he leans closer to the glass. "M'right here with you, okay? I love ya. Mumma loves you."

Part of him wishes that she'd open her eyes, just for a moment, or squeeze her little fingers around his, but she's sound asleep and Niall can only hope she hears him like she did when she was in Gia's belly.

This is how he spends his first night with his brand new daughter — speaking to her, telling her about how he met her mother and how wonderful she is. How lucky both of them are to have her. He tells his baby all about his music and how he's excited to write songs about her, for her.

But most of all — he tells her he loves her. He tells her she can do this. He tells her that she's her mother's daughter, after all, and that means she can keep fighting.