love is underrated.

Chapter Sixty-Five.

After all of the things that have happened recently I have felt pretty good. It has been a week since my memories returned and even though not all of them are back I am still the same old me and very much in love with Payton. With my mind still confused over the whole ordeal I have had a lot of time to think. When I didn't have my memories I couldn't help but still gravitate towards Payton. Is this what true love is? I woke up in that hospital bed thinking I was madly in love with Jaden and that he was still my boyfriend even though he never really was. Thinking about is has me so confused even after everything I ended up with Payton but if I hadn't have met him would I have got the life with Jaden that I had always wanted. I know what you're all thinking, and I agree its bad of me to be thinking like this and I know that I want to be with Payton forever but its just the thought of what if. 

Ever since I was young it was fated by my parents and Jaden's that we would end up together and be childhood sweethearts just like his parents were. In my mind I know that Jaden and I are better off as friend and how we are now because I'm with Payton and he makes me happier than I have ever been in my life but I would be lying if I didn't say I miss the days with Jaden. All of this has resurfaced old memories and I just need to get away. 

I showered and Jaden put on my last set of bandages and after these ones the nurse said that I was all good and the stitches should dissolve anytime soon. I walked downstairs and saw Griffin cooking a huge breakfast for everybody. The counter was covered in stacked of pancakes and waffles with bacon and eggs and even sausages. He was frying up some mushrooms and tomatoes to go with it all. "Quite the chef." I smiled as I sat on the stools at the counter. "It's my version of thanksgiving with everyone before we all go home for the holidays."He smiled turning to face me and I smiled back shyly a my mind was else where occupied. "Daisy I know that look." He said not facing me as he stirred the pot. "What look?" I brushed him off but he just looked at me wide eyed and I sighed knowing he knew me too well by now. "Spit it out." He pressed.

 I looked around the room and nobody else was up yet. I knew Payton was in the shower and the rest of the guys wouldn't be up for another 40 minuets. "When I woke up that day, in the hospital, I woke up thinking I was still with Jaden and in love with him. It just got me thinking of what would have happened to us if I didn't come on tour with everybody." he dropped his wooden spoon at the sound of my words and it clanged in the skillet. "Sorry." He coughed awkwardly. "No I know it sounds crazy and I'm not saying I want him back or anything its just strange how without my memories is still loved him like that, so what if I still do but I just don't know it." I said getting embarrassed by every word. I know how this must seem but I would never hurt Payton. "I think that I you do still love Jaden like that then you wouldn't be with Payton the way you are after everything that you've been through. After Ant you could have ran straight back to Jaden but it wasn't was it." he smiled knowing he was helping me make sense of the situation. "It was Payton, it was always Payton to help with everything even with the Jaden arguments." I chuckled realising how silly this all was. "I hear foot steps." He whispered as he gestured the the stairs and Pay was coming down just in his sweats. 

The way he walked down the stairs and everything made me smiled and appreciate him so much more. I know all of this has to be hard for him but it's so hard for me too. I have me memories back but without them it taught me a lot of things that I wouldn't have know.  I think I will always have some one for Jaden and that's why when I woke up that day he was the one I wanted the most. You can't love someone for that long and it all just go away. 

"Hey gorgeous." He smiled kissing the top of my head as he sat next to me. I smiled back at him and he went to reach out for a strip of bacon. Griff slapped his hand with the spoon. "Wait for everyone else first." He laughed and I laughed too. Pay always did get so hungry in the morning. "I'll go wake everyone up." I said getting up from the stool. Griff and Pay were talking and I couldn't wait any longer when the food looked that good. 

We all ate breakfast and decided since it was our last day we would spend it down at that beach and just have a family day in the sun before we all go home and spend it in the snow. We got ready and took a few cars since we al couldn't fit in one. Payton and I rode with Griffin, Josh and Jaden. I sat in the front and the boys were in the back while Griffin drove. "I miss my car." I said as I flicked through my phone looking for songs. "Your car has been through some good shit, if you know what I mean." Jaden smiled as I looked back at him. "Gross." I laughed knowing what he was thinking about. "I don't wanna know that dude." Payton frowned and I laughed a little at the irony. "What car you got?" Griffin asked clearing the air. "Audi A1, its black. I miss Stella." I pugged out my bottom lip thinking about my car. "We could always drive it back." Jaden said. We? 

Oh my god. I didn't tell him about thanksgiving this will be the first year I haven't had it at his house. "It's still in my garage." Jaden added since I didn't say anything. "I'll have to get it another time, I'm going to Payton's for the holidays." I said not looking back at him. "Okay give over you have to be joking." He laughed. "No seriously." Payton said and I could almost see the tension between them. "I'm coming home for Christmas though." I blurted out trying to take a hold of the situation. "You are?" They both said in unison. "Yeah I can't not be home for Christmas." I smiled looked back at them. Jaden seemed surprised but Payton, he was disappointed to say the least. "Lets talk about it later, we can have a fun last day." Josh said as he could feel the awkwardness too. Never did I ever think I would have to comprise between the two of them. This makes me even more confused. I want to be with Payton for the whole of the holidays but I can't let Jaden down. Its tradition.