love is underrated.

Chapter Sixty-Six.

I lay down on the beach towel while the boys played soccer with a volley ball they brought. I watched as Payton ran after the ball and his hair swept back and the sand clung to his body. He was wearing red swim shorts and the rest of his body was exposed and he looked so good. I propped myself up on my elbows and just watched as I couldn't more my eyes away. He looked over running backwards as he smiled and shot me a cheeky wink and I couldn't help but feel the heat rise between my legs. He's always so cheeky and it gets to me in ways I don't notice. 

I want to spent Christmas with him so bad but I can't just leave Jaden after all of the years we have spent the holidays together. If I did go home for Christmas it wouldn't be the same as before because Jaden and I were always cuddled up in front of the fire with hot tea and cake watching home alone for the one thousandth time. I want that with Payton now but I can't help but miss my time with Jaden. Things are so different now but Jaden is still my friend. 

Jaden came walking over out of breath and all red. "I think you need sun block." I laughed looking at the redness spread across his cheeks. "Could you?" He said picking up the bottle and throwing it in my direction. I nodded and rubbed it over his face lightly avoiding his eyes. "Can we talk about Christmas?" I said catching him of guard. He nodded and sat on the towel next to me. "I know that we have always spent Christmas together and I feel terrible for breaking the tradition but I already said I would spend the holidays with Payton." I couldn't lie to him any longer. "It's going to be weird not having you around." He smiled. I was overly happy with his response I didn't want to upset him but he seemed to know it was right. "I need to tell you something else too, its going to seem super weird but I've spoke to Griff about it and I just need to tell you." I had to tell him sooner or later about everything that I had been feeling and thinking since the worst day of my life. 

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned and I sighed before nodding. "After the accident when I woke up I looked at you and you were still my boyfriend and I loved you like I did before all of tour and I was happy to see you there, happy to feel you holding my hand and now with my memories back it's got me all confused." I confessed and his face only softened with each word. "But you don't feel that now. You love Payton and you're okay now." He said but I knew there was more I had to tell him. "No that's not it. I mean yes I love Payton but I can't help but think if I forgot everything about Payton but remembered you and still felt so in love with you then what if that feeling is still there and I just don't know about it." A shadow hovered over me from behind and a chill came over me as if the sun had snook behind a cloud. I turned and I saw Payton walking away back to the car. "Fuck." I shot my eyes to Jaden and my heart broke immediately knowing Pay had only heard half of the conversation and that he wouldn't have understood everything properly.

I stood to me feet hastily running after him as the sand moved beneath my feet. "Payton, let me explain. It's not what it looks like. Just listen to me." I said as he stopped but didn't turn to face me. "You love him." His voice broke and I knew he was crying and I couldn't even see his face. "No, I... I don't know. I'm still confused with everything. But I know one thing and that's that after all of this I still came back to you. It's always you." I cried as a tear broke from my eyes rolling down my face. He turned to face me and his face was red, his eyes blood shot and tears all down his cheeks. "I just heard you say you don't know if you still have feelings for him. I get you two were together but maybe your right. How can you remember him, someone who treated you like shit, kept you a secret and ditched you the minuet shit got tough, and then forget me. Someone who has done nothing but been there for you, love you unconditionally and still would do everything for you after everything that has been thrown our way." He shouted at the top of his voice and dropped lower and lower to my knees as every word broke me. I could see the anger in him and his words made me so angry too. I saw red and I couldn't hold back. "Could you just fucking listen. I just told him that I love you. I was just saying that all of this made me think about what would have happened if I didn't get my memories back, ask Griff," I pointed in his direction. "I was talking to him about it this morning. I love you Payton can't you see that im just confused with everything that has happened." I screamed as tears flooded down my face. He could see that he hurt me but I needed him to listen. "How can you say you love me when you've been thinking about you possibilities with someone else if you hadn't have met me." He shouted back gesturing to Jaden and me with his hands. "Maybe I wouldn't have lost my memories and done this if you hadn't have been so jealous and left me to end up this way." I held my arms out showing the scars on my arms. I looked up at his face and all the blood drained and he was left pasty and white. My mouth dropped. I didn't mean one word of that. "Pay, I'm sorry." I reached out to grab his hand but he pulled away turning around to go back to the cars. "Bryce you're driving." He growled walking away. 

I fell back to my knees and just sobbed at everything that just happened. I didn't want this to happened. I didn't mean to say that to him. I was just angry. He gets jealous too quick and I just scrambled my words and blurted it out. "Hey come here." Griffin cooed and he sat beside me with his hands around me as he pulled me into his chest. "What am I supposed to do? You know what I meant, I was going to tell him but he heard me talking to J and now look what's happened." I sobbed more into his chest. "Let him cool off, he will know you didn't mean it. You  two are so good for each other that the argument can just get too much because you care about each other a lot but it will be fine. I'll make sure of it." He kissed the top of my head and rocked us back and forth. Griffin was the big brother I always wanted and in this point in my life I needed him just as much as I needed my parents when I was a baby.