love is underrated.

Chapter Eighty-One.

"That's it all done." Jaden said spinning round on the desk chair one he had finished editing. I had no clue how much work goes into a youtube video or how to even start editing. We didn't cut to much out because I had said everything I wanted to say in the video. "Come watch it." he pattered his lap for me too take a seat. I smiled sweetly sitting on his knees while his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. He pressed play. "Oh god, is that really how I sound." I said, hearing my voice play back. "Shhh." He smirked placing his hand over my mouth. I playfully pushed him away and watch the video. 

"I'm going to start this video by saying, there are a lot of you that follow out social media lives with every step we take but there are a lot of things in out personal lives that you don't see. I'm sorry to everyone hurt by the things you have heard and seen but I'm here to tell you the whole truth. As you know Jaden and I have know each other since birth. We've lived a few blocks over from each other all of our lives and have been best friends since our parent first introduced us. Ever since we were both coming up to fourteen feeling started to develop. Just like anybody we fell in love. I fell deeply in love with him. We never made anything official between us because we didn't need to. We knew we had each other and that was enough for us. He was my first." I spoke to the phone that was mounted on a tripod used for making tiktoks ironically. I sat on my bed and I was ready to reveal the truth and get this all over with. 

"My first public relationship was with Anthony Reeves. While I did care about him a lot, we wasn't in love. I'm not going to get into details since somethings simply should just be kept out of the public eye but that situation was bad for both of us. Our relationship started when neither of us were ready. Jaden and I decided to put a halt on things as the stress of tour was getting to us. Anthony and I kissed. This sparked something, it was just lust. Anthony and I had been friends, Jaden introducing us, and we would talk over FaceTime and I obviously met Ant for the first time on tour. Anthony and I meeting put that strain on mine a Jaden's relationship and when we called it off Ant and I just got together without thinking things through and the relationship ultimately ended very sourly." I didn't even sound like me. Watching it back I very strange to me. It's like I'm watching the whole story unfold for the first time. "Rumours started that I cheated on Anthony, that is un true. I'm not speaking about why we broke up but I just wanted you all to know Ant and I were not good for each other. 

"While on tour I also met Payton. I felt like I had know him my whole life as soon as I saw his face. We became friends almost instantly. Really good friends too. I met all the other guys too, Chase included. We became even better friends on the first day. The first few night's on tour were when me and Jaden broke things off and obviously we were both very hurt in that situation. I decided not to share a room with Jaden anymore as we both need out own space. I was upset and went to Chase's room for comfort and that's when Payton was first there for me. Payton was there for me through everything and my feeling grew for him each day that went on without me even noticing. You have all seen that video by now and I will like to say that I'm never talking to Payton again. All this time knowing him I never knew he could be so hurtful. He has every right to be angry, but like I said you guys don't know the whole story." I remember pondering in this moment to tell them about the accident or not. I knew I had to expelling but I didn't want the whole world knowing about my reasons. 

"While we were all at the Sway house I had a bad accident and it ended with me in hospital. I know this is all so much to take in but here are some photos." Jaden edited photos on the screen of the ambulance out side the house and also a photo of me in the hospital bed. "I'm not doing this for sympathy but you all need to know the truth. This was very tramitizing for me and drama caused some memory loss. The nurse told me that my memories may never come back. Some have now but not all of them."

Anyway when I woke up after three days in hospital, I woke up looking at Jaden and he was my boyfriend still. I know this may be confusing to you but my only way to describe it was like the past few months of tour felt like they never even happened. Payton was also in the room and I didn't even recognise his face. It was a stressful situation to us both. Payton and I worked on rebuilding what we had because I owed it to him to try. I saw all the photos and video and we looked so happy so I had to try and fix us. I wanted to remember it all since I looked so so happy. It was very complicated because the whole time I was thinking over my feelings for Jaden. Obviously I had loved him the whole time, he was my first, but seeing him and feeing those feelings again I questioned everything. Payton knew about this and it put pressure on the both of us. The more we tried to work past it the more it bothered him. I went to his place for thanksgiving and it ended up in him kicking me out early and I came back home." Seeing the hurt in my own eyes makes my heart ache. I remember the feeling of how my heart sank having to talk about what I did to Payton but I was just so sick of the lies. 

"Jaden and I fell back into things how we left them just before we started the tour. I felt so alive. Payton and I had been having a lot of issues and after being pushed away so much I hurt and upset. I didn't sleep with Jaden like a lot of people are saying. Most of my wardrobe is full of Jaden's clothes that I have stolen over the years, I wasn't wearing his shirt because it was after sex or whatever most of you are making up. I kissed Jaden. That was it. It's what came with the kiss that made Payton and I break up. He was he one that turned it nasty. I was nice to him despite how he spoke to me. That kiss brought back and confirmed all my questions about my feelings for Jaden. I want to end this by saying I'm sorry to all the Dayton fans out there. I know this is all fucked up right now but I just wanted to tell the truth and get this over with." 

I looked over my shoulder at Jaden. "You want to press the button." He smiled. I was so happy with the video. I remained calm, I didn't cry and I said everything I wanted to. I clicked the mouse posting the video and I also posted the link on my stories. I felt at peace with the whole situation and the weight pulling me down was finally lifted. "I'm proud of you bubs." Jaden lightly kissed my shoulder. I smiled at the old nickname coming back into use and also how his soft lips felt against my skin.