"Shouldn't of let you go" •L.S•

The thoughts

Just a typical day in the Tomlinson's normally it's hectic as I would be lying if I said it wasn't hectic because the baby twins are haveing a melt down and I'm the one sat in my room trying to have a break.

You see I use to be in a band called one direction and yea I loved it but it got hectic never really getting time to your self so when ever you got time to yourself you can chill and be normal but now I'm a solo artist so are the other four But I wanted to take a few mouths of my solo career.

And that's not fully why I wanted a break from all the media flashing lights it's to get around the fact that I'm missing a part of me that I got rid of and why you ask because I'm an a idiot that was the only thing going in my life at that moment but no when things get to hard I take the first option and that is to run...
Oh no I dint leave him like just run away and never talk to him I mean I broke up with him because of the stress and pressure and management your probably confused but my management won't let me come out and I guess it just keeps piling up I broke him and I won't forgive myself for it.

So now I'm just laying down on my bed in my hometown Doncaster looking up at the ceiling for answers to why I feel so down when I have everything I want right.

I get stopped by my thoughts when Lottie my sister comes in "hey what's up bro you have been looking at the ceiling for ages" she said while approaching the bed and sitting at the side.
"Lotts i miss him"
As soon as I said it I knew she got what I meant, Lottie would never judge me she's like a best friend even though she's my sister don't tell my other siblings but she the best yes and if that ever got out I would be murdered.
"Lou what is your guts telling u?" Lottie said demanding but sympathetically.
"I don't know really I- uhh that I can't have him that He won't want me ever.

"Now what is your heart telling u?"
"That I need him and that I miss and still love him and that we can try and work it out"
I said pretty quickly,
"Know which one will make u the happiest?"
Wow why is my sister so good at this like the things I've been thinking for the past week is for nothing because Lottie just made it so more clearer in my head I miss him I need him I've always needed him but I'm just a coward.
"My heart" I said as I flung my arms around her whispering a thank you to her ear.

"I'm happy to help Lou know how are you gonna get him back?" She said while looking at me with a big grin on her face I thought for a minute but nothing came out all I knew is that I won't to get piss drunk yes that is abit weird but I need to get out of this house I need to let go for a few hours I may of just got my thoughts straight but i need to chill and I am more calm and chill when I'm shit faced.

"Lotts I have no clue I haven't contacted to him in 4 and a half years but i know what i want to do and I want you to go we need a break from the mad family" I said with a grin on my face.
"Oh and let me guess you want to go to a club don't you and let's go" she said with a smile which she was trying to hide you see when I normally come back to Donny me and Lott's would go out to a club not a big club though all I would probably get mobbed or some shit but those memories are my highlights from when I go home well my house In London I get to remember that,
I don't really call my house my home as it was the place were me and Harry lived and well it's never been the same since.

"Yes sis I want to let myself go because when I'm drunk I don't think about him and all I have been doing here is thinking about how me and Harry shared our first kiss in the park down the road how we both admitted our feelings in this room I can't stand it any more I feel like I'm going to blow up any second" know my head was going over bored I was thinking about it to much and I was Starting a panic attack luckily Lottie noticed,
"Louis breath for me, breath" she said calmly trying to help which she did.
After 10 minutes of me trying to calm down I did and now me and Lottie was planning on how we are gonna sneak out of the house and try and get the older twins to stay as they did this every time yea there 18 and there allowed but I don't really won't them getting plastered with me and Lott's.

"So you got the plan then?" Lottie said while looking at me witch know I am sat at my desk.
"Yes you think mark can handle them four?"
"Lou come on your not backing out are u?"
"No no when did I say that ay?" I said with a confusing tone to my voice,
"Well good right come on you moron"
And we was off out the door and got in our taxi and was of to the club.