Saving the Monster

Chapter 23

That evening Rey sat in the mess hall, surrounded by more people than she had ever been in her life and yet feeling so terribly alone. Zorri and Babu sat at their table, telling tales of days gone by, Poe embellishing them with details of the part he played at every opportunity. Rey smiled and laughed along with her friends and yet she was relieved when she finally made the short journey to her sleeping quarters, stepped inside the hut and closed the door.

Sleep didn't come easily.  Rey lay there, on her back, staring up at the ceiling  blankly, thinking about him, trying to put together a complete picture, trying to tie up all the loose ends in her mind, trying to understand how she had come to feel something for the man who had murdered Han Solo. 

Her eyes were finally closing, tiredness winning at last, when she became aware of the air becoming heavy around her.  A faint humming noise caused her to lift her head from the pillow.  The humming became louder, the quiet night suddenly feeling full of static.  Rey knew that feeling.  It was a feeling that she had felt many times now, it was him.

Rey closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. 

When she opened them he was there, right in front of her, so close he could be sharing her pillow, facing her, his eyes closed, the moonlight illuminating him, almost as though it wanted her to look at him.

Rey's first instinct was to move away, scoot backwards out of the bed, get away from him.  But a sudden realisation that she only wore panties underneath the sheets stopped her dead and she lay as still as she could, her eyes roaming his face.

She'd never seen him at peace.  Never, not once.  But now he looked serene, beautiful, Rey thought as she took in the pale skin, marked only by the scar that she had branded him with.  Dark eyelashes brushed his cheekbones, his lips were parted and his impossibly soft looking hair was tumbled messily around his face, one dark lock falling across his cheek.  He murmured something that Rey couldn't understand and shifted slightly, the covers moving down from his shoulders to reveal the smooth, strong lines of his chest.

Rey felt her face colour and suddenly it was all too much, the intimacy of watching him sleep making her wish that the force bond would just end.  End before he opened his eyes. 

It wasn't to be.  Kylo Ren moved again and this time Rey watched in horror as his dark lashes fluttered and his eyes slowly opened.

He reacted much as she had.  His eyes became wide and a gasp left his lips.  He did as Rey had meant to and scooted back, away from her, rising to a sitting position, his body tense, his breathing erratic.

For a moment they just looked at one another. Rey felt his eyes moving across her face and then downwards, pausing momentarily at the smooth skin of her shoulders and then up again to meet her gaze. He looked confused and Rey got the impression that he was trying to work out whether she was a dream or a figment of his imagination.

Tentatively, slowly, he reached towards her, just as he had in Kijimi. Rey didn't move. She should have, she knew that. She was barely clothed and he was a killer. A killer in her bed, or was it his bed? Rey wasn't sure. She knew that it was possible for them to touch, even when they were so very far apart, but even that realisation didn't cause Rey to move.

When his hand touched the top of her bare shoulder they both jumped, their eyes meeting, his no longer confused. There was something else there, something that Rey didn't recognise.

"So soft..." he murmured, his voice breathy as his hand slid off her slowly.

Shocked by his words,  Rey sat up, almost losing hold of the sheet in her haste, "Stop touching me" she hissed, suddenly cross at him.  Rey wouldn't let her mind explore just exactly why she was cross, but the burning heat in her cheeks and the way her heart was pounding was like nothing she'd ever felt before.

Kylo Rens mouth opened slightly and then closed again as he swallowed.  Rey watched him, his shoulders rising and falling as he looked back at her, "You touched me on Kijimi" he said flatly.

Rey's cheeks became even hotter as she heard his words, "That was different" she said quickly.

He leant towards Rey "How, how was that different?"

Rey swallowed hard, trying to think how to answer him, "Because I was comforting you......I.." she trailed off, uncomfortable under his heated gaze.

Still leaning towards her, his wide shoulders and smooth neck so close to her that she had to fight from having traitorous thoughts, he inhaled deeply and then fell back onto his pillow.

When he said nothing more Rey heaved more covers up her body, pulling them tightly around her chest, feeling vulnerable in her current state of undress.  She glanced at him.  He was laying on his back, one arm bent behind his head, his eyes on the ceiling.  Rey let her eyes sweep over him for a moment.  She'd never seen a man quite so closely before, the outlines of the muscles, the shapely arms, the dark patch of hair at his armpit. 

Rey's eyes travelled upwards, stopping abruptly when they met his and she realised, he'd been watching her, watching him.