Saving the Monster

Chapter 38

When Rey awoke the next morning it took her a moment to recognise the dragging feeling in her gut.  Last night she had warned the enemy, last night she had fallen asleep to fantasies of him kissing her.  In the cold, harsh light of day she felt sick with guilt.  She had betrayed her whole makeshift family, for him, for a monster. 

No, she thought quickly, he was far from a monster, he was a man, a man who was just like her in so many ways, her Dyad.

When Rey reached the mess hall it was half empty, it seemed that most had grabbed food to go, preferring to ready their ships and themselves than waste time in the hall.

Rey grabbed bread to eat and water to drink and then she settled down at one of the long tables, eating quickly, keen to ensure herself a place with the resistance, keen to ensure they were safe, and Ben too.

"Rey, may I join you?"

The voice next to Rey made her jump, startled from her thoughts.  She looked up to find Leia stood next to her.  Rey nodded, scooting quickly over so that the General could sit with her.

"I'm keen to come General...I...". Rey began, but Leia raised her hand,

"Rey, I've decided that you should stay here and train"

Panic flooded Rey's mind and she put down her bread, blinking hard, she had to be there, she'd landed her friends in trouble by warning Ben and now she had to be there to ensure their survival, and his.  "General no, I'm more helpful out there, I'm your best fighter, ask Poe...I...", Rey trailed off as tears stung her eyes.

Leia reached out and took Rey's hands in hers, "That's exactly what Poe said.  But Rey I'm sorry, you're not in the right place...the things you said about my son....I just can't risk you being there. I love my son, but he's dangerous, dangerous to himself and the resistance. We have to do this, I can't risk you getting in the way.  I'm sorry"

Rey shook her head furiously, "My heads clear now, I want to fight"

Leia stood, "My decision is final Rey" she said, her voice firm. Rey knew that there was no point arguing. She hung her head and went back to eating as the General walked away. It would be a waiting game then, a tortuous waiting game, stuck at base.

Rey watched the others leave with a heavy, ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

Finn had hugged her tightly, too choked up to speak.  He hadn't needed to, his eyes told her everything he was feeling. 

It was a helpless, guilty feeling that she was left with and Rey threw herself into her training, running the course twice, sparring with the training droid and after that, pouring over the less interesting Jedi texts and making notes.

The atmosphere on the base was tense, especially when 4pm rolled around and there had been no word from the troops. 

Rey found Leia sat amongst boxes and crates at the very back of the main control room, her head bent and resting on her arm, which rested on her stick.  The sight of the General like that took Rey aback.  Leia was usually so strong, so tough. 

As Rey approached, Leia looked up, looking startled.  "They'll be back soon, I'm sure" Rey said softly

The General nodded, "They're fighters, survivors.  But something has gone wrong"

Rey frowned, crouching down in front of the older woman, "Why do you say that?"

Leia lifted her head and Rey was surprised to see tears in her eyes as she spoke, "Because my sons light is still there in the force, he's still alive, and the worst part is, I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that".