Saving the Monster

Chapter 40

This time it was easy.  Rey found Kylos light almost immediately and she rushed towards it.

The moment she saw him she felt hot, angry tears hit her cheeks, "You monster!" Rey screamed, rushing towards him.

Although evidently taken off guard and surprised Kylo skilfully grabbed both of Rey's wrists as she reached him, wrapping his leather covered fingers around them, stilling her, pulling her against him, restraining her.  She struggled against him but his grip was far too strong.  He was unmasked and his dark gaze held hers,

"Let go of me!"  Rey screamed, still struggling, tears spilling down her already wet cheeks,

Kylo grunted with the effort of holding her and yet he made no move to still her using the force as he had on Takodana, just held on blindly until her struggling subsided and turned into sobs.  Finally he let her go and she stumbled backwards, hitting the wall of her hut and slumping down onto her backside.  Kylo didn't move, just stood stock still, staring at her.

"I didn't think you would call me that again...." he mumbled, his deep voice even lower than usual, his face not even attempting to hide how much her words had hurt him.

Rey glared at him, "You are a monster!  I warned you to keep you safe and you repaid me by massacring my friends!"

Kylo stepped towards her, "You would have done the same thing Rey"

Rey shook her head, freeing more tears, "No I wouldn't!  I'm different to you, I thought we were the same, but we're not!".  Rey was shouting now, her hands in fists on the floor, her body shaking.

Kylo took another step closer, "If I had told you that an attack was coming, that your people would be wiped out would you have just run?  Saved your own skin?"

When Rey didn't answer, Kylo went on, "No.  You would have done exactly what I did.  You know that's true Rey, you know".

Something about Kylos calm and measured tone enraged Rey and she scrambled to her feet, "The difference is I would have been protecting my family, and the people I love!  You don't have either of those things!" Rey screamed.

As soon as the words had left her mouth she regretted them.  Of course they weren't true, either of the statements, but Rey had so wanted to hurt him, and judging by the way he stepped back from her and the way his eyes fell to the ground, she had succeeded.

Rey stood still, breathless, watching the man in front of her.  For a long moment he stayed, looking at the ground, swallowing hard and then eventually his eyes rose to hers.  They were glassy and vulnerable and in spite of herself Rey felt suddenly guilty, suddenly sorry.  Especially since everything he had said was true.  She would have done what he did, of course she would have.

The air between them became heavy then and Rey sensed that the connection was breaking. Kylo made no move to say anything more to her and she made no move to soothe him. Finally he faded away and Rey was left, alone in her hut, feeling worse than she had before she'd confronted him.

He had been right, as usual he had known her better than she had known herself. She would have done exactly what he had done, exactly. She was the villain now, the monster, she had betrayed those that she professed to love, that she'd called her family, their blood was on her hands. The thought made her sink to her knees, her head falling into her hands.

She cried herself to sleep that night, all the while wondering if he could feel her pain and misery, as she had his.