Saving the Monster

Chapter 14

A moment passed and although Rey couldn't see his face, she could feel through their bond that he was as startled as she was.  She hadn't felt the atmosphere change and become heavy around her and yet he was here, or not here, probably miles away on a star destroyer.

"I won't join you, you're wasting your time" Rey said quietly, trying to keep her voice down, aware of her friends sleeping next door. 

Kylo Ren stayed silent.  He moved his head slowly as if looking around and then suddenly he stepped forwards.

His movements didn't really worry Rey, she knew that they could touch via the force but he wasn't really there.  He wasn't really stood a step away from her on a snowy street.  He raised his hand and Rey's senses sharpened, what was he doing, or trying to do?

Rey tried to step backwards but her back hit the wooden door of the workshop and she let out a startled cry when Kylo Rens hand hit her shoulder, landing heavily on it and squeezing, hard.

Even through the cover of his helmet Rey heard him suck in his breath, "You're here" he muttered and suddenly, with a terrifying jolt, Rey understood too, this was no force bond, Kylo Ren was here, stood before her, touching her.

"Get off me" Rey hissed, her arm rising to knock his away.  He lowered his arm but didn't step back.

He was so close, the closest that he had ever been and Rey couldn't help but breathe him in.  He smelt of leather and warmth and for a moment she forgot her perilous situation.  His voice, low and mechanical snapped her out of her trance,

"Why are you here?"

Rey straightened and tilted her head upwards to look at him "I'm not telling you anything, you need to leave me alone"

The man before her sighed, "I can't do that Rey, you have the entire First Order hunting for you.  Join me and you will be protected"

Rey was getting angry now, "Protected?  The whole reason that I'm being hunted is because of you, because you said that I killed Snoke!"

Kylo Ren sighed again, still so close to Rey that she could see the red substance which had been used to fix his mask.  Rey felt his frustration, but also a deep sadness, an emptiness.  For a moment she couldn't place it but then suddenly it became clear.  His father, he wasn't able to stop seeing what he'd done to him.

"You're still haunted by what you did to your father. You say I'm not happy, but neither are you. You're just as conflicted as me.  The only difference is that you're a monster and I'm not" Rey hissed.

Kylo Ren lifted his hands to the side of his mask and lifted it off with a hiss.  Rey studied his face, it felt like a long time since she had seen him at such close quarters.  His skin was pale and smooth, save for the scar that she had given him and the slightest hint of dark stubble.  His eyes, the eyes that hadn't left her mind since Crait stared into her and they were dark and full of emotion.  Rey wasn't sure what the emotion was but it startled her.

"You saw a vision of me, you came to fight by my side, you believed that I could be turned and now you're calling me a monster?" He said quietly.

Uncomfortable with the humanness of both his tone and his almost pained question, Rey went on the defensive, "Only a monster would come to this city to rip children from their families, only a monster would have attacked the mine on Crait with such aggression, knowing that his mother was in there".

As her final words left her mouth Rey saw a change in the man before her.  His lips parted and his eyes widened.  His breathing changed too, becoming heavier and coarse.

"She's alive?" He whispered, so softly that Rey could only just make out his words.  He stepped back from her and dropped his eyes to the snowy ground. 

Rey watched him, so he had thought that she was dead.

He didn't look at her again for sometime, the silence stretching between them. Rey, unsure of how to handle this sudden change in him took a step forwards,

"You had no idea that she was alive did you?" Rey asked softly as her mind began piecing the events together. He had presumed her dead when he had attacked Crait, he did care about his mother after all. It shouldn't have, but that realisation caused her stomach to flutter wildly, she so wanted her vision to be true, she so wanted the man before her to have some good in him.

Kylos Rens eyes swept up to meet Rey's and they were glassy as he spoke, "I saw my wingman fire, saw her transport explode" he hesitated and for a startling moment Rey thought that he might cry as his eyes fell to the floor "her light went out, I felt it".

What happened next shocked even Rey as her hand reached out and touched his face. He flinched as though jolted by electricity and his eyes snapped up to hers. His face was cool to the touch, chilled by the biting wind and under Rey's hand his scar was bumpy in contrast to the roughness of stubble and the smoothness of his milky skin.

"She's alive Ben, come with me, stop this" Rey gestured to the now empty streets, "You don't have to be the monster, you have choices"

By now Kylos eyes were shimmering with tears in the moonlight, "I can't go back to her, not after all I've done. I don't have choices anymore"

Rey smoothed her thumb backwards and forwards over his scar, "You have a choice right now.  Let me go this night, pretend that you never found me and I'll pretend I never found you".

He hesitated, his eyes running over her face.

The noise of troopers approaching and Rey backed away from him, "Please", she whispered.

He answered her by putting on his helmet and turning away from her. Rey ducked back in through the door and bolted it quickly.

Beyond the door the troops footsteps were getting louder. "Supreme Leader, we've combed the city and set up tower observation points ready for the night raids"

A pause and Rey held her breath, would he blow her cover?

"Very good, prepare to board the transports". Came the deep, mechanical vpice of The Supreme Leader of the First Order.

The Supreme Leader had just let her go.