Doctor Who ~ Thasmin oneshots

I tried so hard

The doctors POV-

The Master was deranged. He was insane, twisted, unhinged, he'd lost all logic to his thoughts long ago. He was very intelligent, very bright, always had been. I remember him being top of the class in school, always a teachers pet, thirsty for new information on things no one else seemed to care about. Of course I cared about it too, the endless cool facts be would tell me out of the blue. It made me smile.

It was hard to think back to a time me and him weren't at each other's throats. It seemed so long ago that it hadn't even happened, like maybe I'd imagined we'd ever been friends. It's hard to see yourself being friends with such a lunatic, someone who causes so much pain. I could never admit it, but I missed him. Not the new him- the one that tried to kill me- the old him.

The one who'd sneak out and throw rocks at my bedroom window to show me a new spot he'd found, the one who'd spend hours trying to make me smile after a bad day, the one who'd listen to me when I made no sense. At one point, the master was the only friend I had, the only friend I needed. Weird to think now, he was the only person who'd give absolutely anything to see me dead.

Whenever I looked into his cold, stone eyes, I couldn't see anything anymore. That spark that once lit his gaze, that shimmer that shone in his face when he smiled, was replaced with death and corruption. His once sweet grin was replaced with a psychotic smirk, his attentive look replaced with a never ending desire to cause pain. He was reborn, not just regenerated into a new face, his personality had wilted and died leaving nothing but a shell of the person he once was.

Yet I didn't want to see him dead. I never wanted to hurt him, even though he wanted to hurt me. I would've given anything to have him fall to his knees and cry for forgiveness, not for my prides sake, but for his. I wanted to know the person he once was was still in there somewhere, deep deep down, shackled up and waiting for someone to reach out and undo the chains. I wanted to be that person.

No matter how many times I tried, he still only saw me as the enemy. A barrier between him and his goal, a problem that needed solving. I tried to be venerable, I tired to show him I didn't want to fight anymore, but he only saw that as a way to stamp me further down. I'd offered him my help, and he'd slapped my hand away.

But I still couldn't give up. I didn't want to give up on him- my oldest friend.

The fam probably thought I was mental, spending hours awake at the Tardis searching planet after planet for someone who was better off killed. They couldn't understand, not really. Yaz, bless her, had tried to talk to me about it, to explain that some people are better off left alone. Some people didn't deserve a benefit of the doubt, because they were just bad. Yet I still couldn't believe the master was long gone.

I had convinced myself he was still soft under his shell, he just needed an outstretched hand. Even after he'd made it very clear he couldn't care less what happened to me as long as I was out of his way. I had the most brilliant new friends, my fam, yet I was wasting my time searching for an old one who was most definitely worse. I didn't need the master, but a part of me was saying the master needed me.

I found myself slouched at the Tardis table, watching her buttons blink and buzz as yet another planet was confirmed clear of the master. I hissed under my breath, letting my head fall and hit the table with a bang. I'd been at It for hours, yet I was no closer to finding my old friend. I felt played, like somewhere out there he was laughing at my efforts to find him. I knew he could see me, that is, if he wanted to.

"Where are you?" I moaned, feeling the hope trickle out slowly and leave me a depressed mess. I looked up at the map I'd set up, leaning up and drawing a cross over the planet I'd just logged. "Not there." I sighed, getting to my feet slowly and inputting new coordinations for yet another planet, waiting impatiently as the Tardis read and accepted them. She bleeped at me somewhat comfortingly, and I could tell she was worried about me.

"I have to find him, there's no other way. I'm the only one who can help him." I said bluntly, plopping back down in my chair and exhaling tiredly. "That's a funny way to say 'make him pay for what he did.'" I jerked my head as I heard an all too kind voice behind me, biting my lip as Yaz stood in the doorway. I'd told her I'd leave this alone, course, I hadn't been all too trustworthy regarding the matter.

She must've noticed my guilty face as she stepped closer, lowering her brows and smiling sympathetically. "When are you going to let this go? Let him go?" She asked, gesturing to the holographic picture of the master floating above my research. I swiped the image away and faced away from Yaz, not being able to face the truth. She was completely right about the master being bad for me, what part of that couldn't I understand?

"He needs me." I said, leaning my mouth against my hand so I couldn't over share. "He needs a good smack, he's not worth your effort Doctor, he's messed up." I felt her warm hand settle gently on my neck, rubbing backwards and forwards as I relaxed into her touch. I wished I could believe her and stop searching, to leave the master in the past, but I couldn't. "He's confused, he needs help and I'm the only one who understands him." I turned around with glossy eyes.

Yaz looked down at me with an understanding face, but deep down I knew she was judging me. I didn't blame her, I would think I was weird too. However, she reached down and embraced me, hugging me tightly around the shoulders and breathing deeply into my neck. I felt her relax against me as I squeezed back, her body leaning heavier against mine. "You're too good for him." She whispered into my ear, her voice almost pleading.

I sighed out and let my head fall back onto her, turning slightly to rest my nose against her cheek. "You're too good for me." I said, smirking as I felt her smile sheepishly. My face fell quickly when I remembered the master, causing me to sit up sternly. I hated the fact that his memory was breaking my relationships apart by just being present, it almost convinced me he wasn't worth it. But what kind of friend would I be if I gave up that easily?

I locked eyes with the hologram of his face, feeling my determination grow. Yaz pushed my head back to face her, her eyes captivating and warm like logs on a fire. She smiled and my hearts skipped a beat each, a feeling I thought I'd lost long ago. Her presents filled me with hope and happiness, almost reminding me of the feeling I would get with the master. He was exiting, reckless, limitless, yet kind and understanding, like Yaz.

I preferred Yaz.

Suddenly the master didn't matter, in this one moment in which me and Yaz were the only stars in the sky, she was all I needed. I missed the master, how could I not? We grew up together, played together, discovered ourselves together, but I had to accept that the him I loved, was long gone. He was corrupt, and me crying over a memory of him that no longer existed wasn't bringing him back.

Before I knew it I was leaning in, locking mine and Yaz's lips together. I sensed her shock, but continued as she moved against me like a working magnet. We fitted together as perfectly as puzzle pieces, filling the holes others had left in our hearts like concrete over potholes. I loved her, I'd been too blinded by the my unreachable goals to see it. Had I not been so clueless, I might've seen that she loved me too.

As we broke apart I couldn't stop my smile growing, seeing her face so close to mine. I nuzzled my forehead against hers, catching a glimpse of the masters face out of the corner of my eye. I held my breath and thought the words, the Tardis beeping as if to tell me to say them out loud. She wanted me to admit it. "Cancel the search, stop looking for him." I ordered, a bittersweet feeling filling my gut as the maps and holograms faded away before my eyes.

As the masters face disappeared, I felt at ease. Like his dreadful memory disappeared with it. Yaz lent her head on my shoulder softly, offering her support. "It's for the best, Doctor, he doesn't know how good of a person he turned away." She cooed, making me smile. I pressed a kiss to her cheek, leaning my head against hers for a moment.

"You're way too good for me, Yaz."