DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND [ ZONAH ]

letter nineteen

january 3rd, 2017

dear future husband,

merry christmas and happy new year! i'm finally back home for a break and i've never been more excited about anything in my entire life.

college is fun and all, and i've met a bunch of cool people, but i'm also drowning in class work. i feel like i never get a break, and being home relaxing all the time feels odd.

don't get me wrong, i still have homework, and a lot of it. however, it's not nearly as heavy a workload as when i'm at school.

not to mention i get to see my family, who i haven't seen in months. i didn't even realize how much i missed my moms nagging, or my brothers moodiness.

this christmas felt really different. maybe it's because i realized that i was really growing up, or maybe college just changed me.

after spending time with my family, i finally got to see my homies again B) (never let me say that again).

fairity grew so much, it made me emotional.

it was so weird seeing everyone and how much they had matured. i'm sure that included me, the baby of the group and the one with the bad ideas all the time.

sometimes i wonder how i survive living on my own.

the weeks i was here were filled with activity, which honestly helped me take my mind off all of my worries. 

and then new years came. of course, my friends insisted on going to a huge party hosted by someone we knew from highschool.

well, we all know how jack and i mix with alcohol. clearly. from that fourth of july party, which i still think about and am sad about, by the way.

anyways, now all our friends have the most embarrassing videos of jack and me being stupid, taking body shots off of each other:(

whatever, it was one of the best nights i've had in a while and it helped de-stress.

although that stress came back when i realized i had nobody to kiss at midnight.

the sinking feeling that always took over when i saw or thought about couples returned, knowing i haven't met the one for me.

or anyone for me, for that matter.

a fun fact, jack actually helped me figure out my sexuality, while he also helped himself at the same time.

we kissed when we were twelve, and in my opinion, it was much better than kissing girls. and so i found out that i was gay<3

jack said he liked both girls and boys, and that's when he found out that he was bisexual.

so since we were both single on new years, we just said "fuck it, let's kiss each other."

i don't really remember much of what happened after midnight, but i'm sure it was a blast, if i based it on the hangover i had the next day.

i feel like my life is a never ending cycle.

signed,

zachary dean herron xx