may 13th, 2020
dear jonah marais,
i'm exhausted but i can't sleep. not without you.
over the past week or so, i've heard nothing but excuses come out of your mouth.
you don't come home in time to nap with me before dinner. sometimes you don't even come home for dinner.
"oh, i'm sorry baby, work is holding me up"
"i'm supposed to go out with some friends tonight, don't wait up for me"
you know, classic cheater excuses.
you coming home home late with a huge smile on your face pisses me off more than you could ever imagine. what's so great about work or your friends that i can't give you at home?
maybe i'm just being over dramatic, but the way you've been acting this week has genuinely hurt me.
we're supposed to fly home for our birthdays in a couple of weeks, but right now i'm doubting whether we'll even be together long enough to make it there:/
hell, i don't even know if we'll make it past tomorrow. you're working late again.
i cooked by myself, i ate by myself, i left your plate in the microwave and cleaned up by myself.
i finished my schoolwork by myself, i watched netflix by myself, and i got ready for bed by myself.
now it's almost midnight, and i have class tomorrow. i'm exhausted, but i can't go to bed without you.
i think that's what hurts the most. knowing how heavily i depend on you and realizing that you probably don't feel the same way.
when you held me before, i felt safe, loved and comfortable. now when you hold me, i feel an emptiness. because i know you're probably doing the exact same thing with someone else before you come home to me.
when you tell me you love me, my heart breaks a little bit because i know you're probably not being genuine anymore.
i just don't know what i did wrong. i don't know why you chose to treat me like this. is it because you know i can't leave you? that i'm so weak and vulnerable without you, i have to hold on with everything i have?
the amount of tears i've shed over this situation is probably unhealthy. i've been texting all my friends, but they're telling me that it's probably fine, and assuring me that you would never leave. "give him one more chance," they say, "don't leave him, he loves you."
how can i believe them when your actions contradict the words you're telling me?
maybe i'll hold on a little bit longer, but i don't know much more i can take before i finally hit a breaking point.
who even said love was fun anyways?
i hate it right now.
why do i love you again?
because you're an amazing person, and anyone would be lucky to have you. even if that person isn't me.
signed,
zachary dean herron xx
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄!
me 🤝 deciding to make myself sad today
thank u for 2k reads wtf ily🥺
also happy 10 years of 1D in like 15 minutes for me🥳
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DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND [ ZONAH ]
FanfictionCOMPLETED ! - in which eighth grade zach herron writes letters to his future husband