Thread That Binds Us

Chapter-18

Update time. But before that-

I know most of you skip over these notes but I still need to say some things. A popular Indian actor committed suicide due to depression. He was only 34 with one of the sunniest smiles I have ever seen. He died at the peak of his career, at the prime of his life. His name was Sushant Singh Rajput. I'm not a movie buff and I'd be straight out lying if I said I watched his movies but this accident has hit me hard on a deeper, personal level. His notes to his mother whom he had lost at an young age, his last post to his mother resonated with me. I could see myself in his sorrows. I hear people say suicide is not the solution, not the way out; that it's an act of cowardice. Let me tell you something, it's one of the hardest things to leave everything behind voluntarily, your life, your dreams, your hopes, everything. One of the saddest things to feel you won't ever be rescued; that there is noone that can and will save you. And people who choose to die are not cowards but cornered. It takes incomparable amount of pain to embrace death over life.

This has hit me hard also because I am writing a story about a celebrity who is fighting depression, mental health issues. When I started this story, my purpose was to represent all the people suffer from this and it's heavy because writing Zhan is facing some of my demons! And even if it's 2020, people choose to be ignorant about mental health. My request is to try to be more thoughtful while throwing comments like, it's selfish or it's just a phase or 'get over with it already' because maybe a dear one is suffering and listening to you will only push them more towards the edge.

Through the years, so many people have told me to talk to them when I feel low. In the past I was naïve and thought they really meant what they promised. But the moment I started to open up, they would say things like "don't be sad", "things gonna look up soon", "think about the less privileged", "there are people suffering way more than you". After that I couldn't utter a word. As a result, now I can't open up even if I try. Even if I'm dying and someone asks me how am I, I'd smile and say I'm totally fine. This is the damage all the inconsiderate "help" has done to me.

If you want to approach someone suffering, don't start with, "don't be sad; it's gonna be okay". Instead, say, "tell me what is upsetting you". And when that person starts to talk, let them. However illogical their pain may seem to you, remember for them it's excruciating enough to kill them slowly. We feel guilty enough for being alive like a failure. We feel like a burden to the people around us, to this planet. Don't make things unbearable by saying there are people who are more in pain than us. Because we know! We know how inconsequential our problems are compared to the bigger issues but that does nothing to lessen our sufferings. Try to understand that our minds are literally killing us. We are dying a slow, painful death emotionally. If you can't be the cure, don't be the catalyst either. Fighting your own self, fighting your own mind is unimaginably terrifying. And it's incredibly lonely. All I ask for you to be more considerate, open and understanding towards a fellow human being. Don't throw careless words around because someone is always listening and your words might be the deciding factor for them.

And to those who are in pain, take this from a survivor: love yourself. Accept your flaws and take life as a challenge. Don't let it beat you. You will fall and get hurt, be exhausted; you will bleed but laugh at life. You will cry yourself to sleep every night but wake up the next day to mock the troubles by standing tall. You will be alone, you will be misjudged but be your own best friend, biggest strength. If there is none, there is still you. Try to do at least one thing every day that makes you smile. Make a bucket list. I won't tell you to hang on as long as you can. Instead, live as long as it takes to check off all the things in that list. Succeeding is not the only meaning of life. Don't compete. Don't let others set your value. Stand in front of a mirror and say, "I'm strong. I'm stubborn. I'm the best version of me. I will survive." It is scary and you don't have to be courageous all the time. Just try, that's all I ask.