Heaven and Hell Start With the Same Letter (Frerard AU)

15

"He doesn't want to take the meds anymore. They aren't helping him, they're only making him worse.", Gerard says to the doctor.

"Well Mr. Way I know you're very close to Frank, but it's not your decision, it's hi-"

" I don't want them.", I say.

He let's out a heavy sigh and redirects his gaze from Gerard to me.

"Frank, these pills will make you feel less anxious, it'll make you feel better."

"Until you've gone through having schizophrenia, and being too scared to be by yourself, to be in a quiet room, where there's nothing to listen to but those damned voices, then you don't have any right to tell me what will make me feel better."

"Frank, it's not a very good idea for you to keep switching pi-"

"Then I just won't take any until you decided to take me off of them.", I say, standing up, and walking out of the room.

As I walk back to the room, I shake my hands out, letting the tension leave my body. I never talk to people like that. I never talk to people, period.

Gerard walks in, a smile on his face.

"What?", I ask, sitting down on the bed.

"That was amazing."

I run my hands through my hair, "Not really."

"You stood up for yourself, you used your own voice.", he says, sitting down next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I'm proud of you.", he says, kissing the side of my neck.

I smile, and turn around, meeting his lips with my own. He pulls my small body into his lap, and deepens the kiss. I find my hands under his shirt.

"Your hands are cold.", he says heavily against my lips.

"Shut up.", I say, reattaching my lips to his neck.

He giggles, and lets out a small moan. I blush a little, but luckily, he doesn't see. I kiss his lips again, and then along his jawline.

"Uh, Gerard...do you...do you really want to?"

He nods, and continues to kiss me, but I pull away, "You sure?"

He smiles, and nods.

"Ok.", I say, slipping my shirt off, and he doing the same to his.

"I love you, Frank.", he says through heavy breaths.

"I love you too."

*

As I look in the mirror, I let a smile form on my face. The look was so foreign, it scared me a little. People shouldn't be afraid of the way they looked when they smiled, it just yet it again shows how messed up my brain is.

I let a frown fall back onto my face, as I splash it with cold water, trying to wake myself up.

That was my first time, and although it hurt a little, and we were both unsure of exactly what to do, it was fun, and exciting. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and it's even better because it was with Gerard, the only person on this planet I actually trust.

Doing stuff like this, it made me feel a little bit more normal. Most teenagers my age go out and party, they dance with their friends, they listen to music with the windows rolled down as they're driving down the road, they have sex. They don't have to worry about taking their medication, and wether it's going to make them better or not. They don't have to be hospitalized because people are afraid of what they're going to, or is capable of doing.

A piece of hair falls on my face and I brush it away with shaky hands. I look at my reflection again, before tears start to fall down as I realize I'll never be able to live like a normal teenage.

"Frank?", comes a soft voice.

The door opens slightly as his head pokes in.

"Oh god, are you ok?"

He walks over, cupping my face in his hands.

"Did I...did I hurt you? Did you not want to do it? Oh god, I'm so sorry Frank. Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's not you Gerard. You did nothing wrong, I swear. I liked it, I wanted it."

His breathing calms down a little.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I just, I just realized how I'll never be able to live a normal life as a teenager. I'll never know what it's like to do the crazy things we're suppose to do at this age. I just want to be normal. It's not fair.", I say, breaking down again, in his arms.

"Hey, hey, it's ok.", he says, rubbing my back.

"Why do I have to be me? Why can't I just be like everyone else?"

He sits down on the floor, letting me sit in between his legs, curled up against his chest.

"You know, most people will tell you that being different is good, and that's what people always told me, but honestly, I wish I could be normal too, but things are just unfair most of the times. Someone has to take the other end of the stick, if it weren't us, it had to be someone else, and I don't know, maybe it's selfish, but I'm glad it was you and me, because I don't think I'd want anyone else. Of course I don't mean I want you to go through this but..."

I kiss his neck, showing him I understand what he's trying to say, because I'f were all being honest here, I'm glad it was him and not someone else who was holding me right now.

"But you know, we could make the most out of this. And you know Frank, like I said before, you're not going to be stuck here forever. You still have four years left before you're 21, and you're not going to spend those years here, I know that. Because you're going to get better, and I'm going to help you get better. "

I smile, and although he can't see my face, I'm sure he knows the words mean everything to me. I tighten my hold around his neck, and he does the same to his arms around my waist.