Heaven and Hell Start With the Same Letter (Frerard AU)

3

Everyone's staring at me when I walk into the lunch room. Well technically, breakfast room right now. My body tenses, and my heart beat picks up. I hate it when people are staring at me.

"Hey, it's ok. Everyone's like this when someone new comes in. There's nothing wrong with you right now.", Gerard says, sending me a smile.

I smile back. He hands me a tray, and it's shaking slightly in my hands, but I try hard to ignore it, and I can tell Gerard is too.

"Thanks.", I say to the cook as he hands me a plate of eggs.

Gerard is sitting down at the table in the very back corner, and I'm not sure if I'm suppose to follow. Sure, we talked, but we're roommates, so we kinda have to, but I'm not sure it's the same when we're out of the room.

My thoughts soon get cut short when I see him waving his hands at me. I sigh in relief internally, glad that I don't have to fend for myself here.

It's a mental hospital, and everyone here has problems, but it still feels like I'm back in the lunch room at school. Everyone's eyes are on me as I walk to the table. Gerard's sitting there with nothing on his plate but a banana, and I remember him telling me about his eating disorder.

"I think he gave me too much eggs, do you want some?"

He laughs, "I'm not hungry."

"Don't you want to get better?"

"What's the point? If they see that I'm eating, and getting better, then they discharge me, and then I have to find a psychiatrist that will prescribe me the medication I need, and where is the money for that going to come from? Obviously not my parents, and it's not like I'm legal yet either. I stay here, I get the meds I need. I get food, I get a bed. I might as well stay here, at least until I turn eighteen."

He peels the banana, takes a bite and throws it into the trash can. From the corner of my eye, I can see one of the nurses looking at us, and writing down something on a clip board.

"Do they write down everything you do?", I ask.

"Just don't give them a reason to, and you'll be fine."

"Oh no, I'm just wondering. Unlike you, they're probably never going to discharge me. It doesn't matter what I do as long as I don't kill someone."

"That's not true. They can still discharge you, just probably not for a while. They have to make sure you're stable enough on your own, but that takes months, years of therapy, and you'll have to take medication for the rest of your life."

"Thanks, I really needed that pep talk today."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I just -"

"No, no I get it."

He sighs, but doesn't continue on.

-He thinks you're crazy. He thinks your incurable.-

"N-no he doesn't. Stop it."

-Why do you think he's saying that? He's just a mean jerk. He's a bully. You know what you should do to bullies? You should hurt them, because they hurt you.-

"No! He hasn't hurt me! I don't want to, please don't make me!"

-If you don't hurt him, I'll hurt you!-
"Please! Just leave!"

-How can I leave when I'm in your head? He's right! You are crazy! You're a luney! A luney!-

I bang my head against the wall to get the voices out. I just want them gone! They're all in my head. I want them out now!
"Please go. GO AWAY. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. IM NOT CRAZY!"
I hear them laughing at me, mocking me. Please just leave!
I keep banging my head until everything starts to get foggy. My eyes get droopy and I soon fall over on the ground, and I think I'm lying in a puddle of my own blood.