Hold It In

Miserable At Best

"SAY YOU MEAN IT!" I screamed. I was watching a romance movie, I don't even know the title of this shit, but the boy finally confessed his feelings and the fucking girl laughed at him and he won't tell her that he means it and I'm fucking pissed.

"Are you okay?" Darren asked. "Yes I'm fine, could you please go away?" He held his hands up in defense and I continued watching the movie. I turned it off, finally growing tired of it. I turned on my phone and Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade came on. "Great", I muttered. "I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance."

She'll say yes.

"I'll bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my boy to dance", I sang softly. I was in the middle of singing until Juan Karlos burst into the room, smiling so widely. "He'll say yes", I continued to sing. "Hey?" He greeted, in a tone that sounded like he was asking a question.

"Hi." I turned down my iPod and sat down on my bed, burying my face into my pillow. "Are you ok-" I sat up and glared at him. "I'm fine", I snapped. "No you're not." I shut off my phone and pushed Juan Karlos out of the doorway so I could leave. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"No, I can't. Because you wouldn't understand and you'll probably just laugh and tell me that it'll be okay and that's it. You wouldn't even try to comfort me, and I know because it's what you did whenever I tried to tell you about my problems and I get it, I'll leave you alone because clearly you just want me to."

He held me closer to him and looked me straight in the eye, "Did I do something?" I laughed coldly, "It's what you didn't do, Juan Karlos." I tugged my wrist out of his grip and walked out.

"Wait, Sydney!" I heard him call out before he chased after me. He caught up and grabbed my waist and hugged me from behind. "I'm sorry." I pushed him off of me. "No, you're not. Because if you were you wouldn't go out and make out with other girls. You're not sorry because if you were you'd tell me how you really felt and didn't try to make me jealous every damn day. I can't read minds, Juan Karlos. I need you to tell me how you feel!"

He furrowed his eyebrows and let go of my arms. "I'm sorry that I didn't try. But I thought you didn't love me anymore, you've got Nicolo and I thought that if I had Kristianna it'd be easier to move on, but it wasn't and I really do love you, but I'm such a weenie that I couldn't tell you that earlier. I love you, I love you so much holy crap, I love you so much it actually hurts."

"You can't do that. You can't make out with another girl and then tell me 3 fucking hours later that you love me because that's not how it works." Juan Karlos put his hands on my waist and placed his lips onto mine. I do know that, this is one thing I've missed, how it felt to have him so close to me that my knees felt all wobbly because he was just so damn perfect and it felt like the fucking zoo was in my stomach, not just butterflies, but the fucking zoo.

I pulled away and ran straight to my room. I closed the door and locked it, making sure that he couldn't follow me.

I was miserable without him, but I wasn't selfish enough to actually just push Kristianna out of the picture and keep Juan Karlos all to myself. I knew that she did have some kind of feelings for him and I couldn't do that. It'd feel wrong.

But then again, this all felt wrong.

It's really short but double update yaaayyyy ily guys and thanks so much for reading you have no idea how happy you make me