From The Ashes//anidala

10

FROM THE ASHES

Chapter 10

Anakin was boxed in now, caught in the act. The video game was in his hands, and her hands were cupped over his eyes. Adrenaline pulsed through his body and he wasn't sure what to do. He made an attempt to play the game without seeing, but even with the force, there was no way to direct digital images on a screen he couldn't even see. Nothing worked, he was shooting and jumping at the wrong times and losing badly. "That's what I thought." Padme took her hands from his eyes and grabbed the game from him, walking around to face him. "Anakin, look at me!" She demanded, staring him down. Still his eyes would not meet hers, both in a last attempt to play blind, and out of shame. He didn't speak.She did.

"Anakin, can you see?"

These words hurt his head. He had dreaded them. He had never lied to her, he had lied to Obiwan, but he felt he had technically never lied to her in so many words, and had promised himself if she asked him outright, he wouldn't lie. He took a moment to regain a small ounce of his courage. "Yes." He said, his beautiful blue eyes darting directly to meet hers in a focused stare. She was stunned, hurt, angry, yet happy at the same time. She was so relieved he wasn't blind because she loved him so much. But she couldn't ignore his deception.

"How long have you been able to see, and don't lie to me! Have you been pretending all along?"

"No, no, really, my eyes were terribly burned, you know that. I was blind for a long time."

"How long have you been able to see?" She folded her arms and stared at him."And don't pretend it just happened today. I want the truth!"

"Just since the last time I went to the med center with Obiwan, after the babies were born. I was stone blind up until then, I swear. The Coruscant formula was what finally worked. I could see perfectly from the time they removed the bandages that day. But from Mustafar until then, I was truly blind." Padme was full of mixed emotions. She wanted to slap him, to hate him, yet she was so glad to know he was cured, so comforted by seeing his eyes looking into hers again, it balanced out and she held her temper while still expressing her displeasure.

"So, that treatment was miraculous."

"Yes, it was, it might help some of those others you were telling me about, is there any progress in that case?"

"Don't try to change the subject. Tell me straight up, why didn't you want to tell me you could see? Why did you lie to me, and to Obiwan? How could you do that to me?"

"To you? You weren't the one who was blind.There was nothing wrong with your eyes, or Obiwan's. What does it matter to either of you if I can see or not?"

"Anakin, in case you haven't noticed, I love you, I care about you. It broke my heart to think of you sitting there in the dark. I felts so..." she stopped, looked at him, looked around the room as thoughts filled her mind, then continued. "That's it, isn't it? You were getting so much love and pity, so much attention, getting off the hook for everything you did as "Darth Vader" you didn't want to give that up, did you?" Her words were true, they were all too true. They cut him as deeply as any burn scar. She wasn't finished. "What did you expect to do, sit here all your life, living off of me, being coddled like one of the babies, is that what you wanted? Did you want me to never say how much I hated you for choking me, for killing all those Jedi, for cutting down those innocent younglings..." He couldn't believe she said that. He was trying so hard to deal with the guilt and pain of what his body had done under the possession of Palpatine and the dark side. How could she be so cruel? Like a punished child, he began to cry. He didn't try to, didn't want to, but he did.

"So, that's what you really think of me, and you only put up with me and felt sorry for me because I was blind?"

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did. Padme, I've been through so much, you have no idea what it's like for me." His distraught voice came in heaves of breath. "Please, Padme, hold me." He reached out both arms and gave her a sad face, eyes and all. He was totally serious, and in need of affection. She turned her back on him.

"I've had it with your whining, Anakin." He turned away. He really wasn't pretending to be devastated, he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Just then the babies started to cry. Padme ran to the bedroom and Anakin followed her. Without speaking, she ran to them. Anakin followed, and seeing her having a hard time with them both, reached to take Luke. She only glared at him. They paced the floor, but neither baby would calm down. "They are upset, Padme." He told her. "They are tense, they sense our hositilities and emotion. I can sense it, and not only in the force. Please let go of your anger so they can feel your love."

"You're using me again, and now you're using the babies too!"

"No, really, that is..."

"I don't want to hear any more, I don't trust you anymore.You're just using the babies to change my mood, it's not going to work!" He had to go to the bathroom to dry his eyes and nose, carrying Luke with him. When he returned, he lay Luke down, and tried to take Leia from Padme. "Just go away, Anakin." She snapped.

"Let me, I can help." She finally allowed him to take Leia. He put her down beside Luke, and waved his hand over them both as Obiwan had done, using the force to calm them.Once the noise and bad energy of the argument had cleared the air, they lay quiet and again. Anakin looked at Padme, but didn't speak. He went about the room gathering what few things he could call his own, tied them up in his Jedi cloak slung over his shoulder and headed for the door.

"Where are you going, Anakin?" She said as she followed him.

"I don't know. I'm not going back to the temple but I'm not going to stay here and live 'off you' anymore."

"Oh, Anakin, I didn't mean that"

"Yes you did. I could feel it."

"It was my anger, my dark side." She tried to plead. Anakin kept his back turned to her.

"I'm leaving now, Padme. Goodbye." For a minute she wanted to run up and hug him and beg him to stay, to take everything back. But because of his charade, she thought he was only playing her again, and it made her stubborn.

"Good." She said in a cold voice. "Since you can see so well, you will have no trouble taking care of yourself."

He turned and stared at her with those eyes. "You're right, I won't." He opened the door and started out. "Don't go telling Obiwan, I don't want him getting on my case too."

"I should, but I won't. Not because you deserve to be covered for, but because you should be the one to face him yourself and own up to it."

"What is between Obiwan and I will be our business. You stay out of it. I will be back once in awhile to see my children. If you don't want to see me, we can arrange to have you gone. You had better call Dorme and arrange to get her back right away. You won't have anyone here to take care of your babies while you go running off trying to solve everyone's problems but your own." He took one more look at her, and the apartment, before closing the door.

Anakin Skywalker set out on foot into the crowded city, as lost and lonely and needy as a little boy. With his head hung low and tears in his eyes, he walked alone, close to his breaking point.