From The Ashes//anidala

13

FROM THE ASHES

Chapter 13

Obiwan went to pay a visit to Padme. She let him in without reservations. "How is Anakin?" Were the first words out of her mouth.

"Why don't you go check on him for yourself?"

She looked down. "I don't think I should."

"Padme, he's hurting, and I don't mean his leg."

"You said yourself he didn't want me to come only out of sympathy. Well, that's all it would be." She turned her back on him.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do."

He tried to turn her around by the shoulder, but she refused to face him. "Obiwan, I've been dealing with some dark thoughts myself."

"Tell me about them, Padme, let me help you."

This time she did turn around, and motioned for him to sit on the sofa next to her. "Obwan, I have been thinking things I am ashamed of, but I can't help it. I feel guilty about them."

"How bad could it be?"

"Obiwan, I have thought, I have felt...that Anakin deserved his punishment."

"What? You were glad he was hurt?"

"Not 'glad', but, I did kind of think that he got what he deserved, and after that I was able to feel sorry for him in his suffering because he had paid for his actions with his own flesh. But now.."

"Padme, are you telling me you wanted Anakin to stay blind for the rest of his life?"

"He had all those injuries, burns, his lungs damaged, and his eyes, he said himself he deserved to have to live his life in the dark because of what he did."

"But didn't you tell him that was wrong?"

"I did, but I can't help feeling he was right. Being blind was a big punishment for him, I could somewhat deal with what he had done as long as he was paying for it."

"Padme, I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"I knew I shouldn't have told you."

"No, it's good you did. We must get through all of our emotions to clear everything up. Anakin needs to do the same. So, do you mean to say that once he had his sight back you were angry at him because he was no longer punished for his deeds?"

Her lips were quivering. "Y-yes, in a way. Mostly, it was because I had accepted him back and pitied him because of his injuires and how he was paying for his crimes. To find out that he had gotten better, and didn't tell me, I thought he was using me, like maybe somehow through the force or something he knew how I felt, so he had to keep up his act."

"I do think he didn't tell us because of his fears, but I don't think that is it. Believe me, if it were, he'd have sensed it and told me."

"Obiwan, I said terrible things to him, but I admit I was thinking them. Was I too hard on him?"

"Padme, Anakin is not healed of all his wounds from that night. He is suffering emotionally, he is guilt ridden, he hates himself. Yoda and I know and have told him it was the dark side, it was Palpatine.."

"He did it, he did it himself!"

"That is true, Padme, but he was consumed by the dark side and it made him do things Anakin would never do. Anakin hates himself for what Darth Vader did. That young man lying in the med center is not Darth Vader, he never really was."