Hi I'm J. I have been writing for well over ten years and write novels for young adults (13-18). I will happily write a review of the first 3-4 chapters of your work in a constructive criticism style. I will not sugarcoat my feedback but I will sugg...
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First Impression The Cover is nice and eye-catching, but there's several different fonts used on the design which makes it appear a bit muddled. There's a lot going on with planes, a person and some wire fencing. I can't exactly work out what the story is about simply by looking at the cover, but we will see.
The Summary is interesting. It is a nice length and easy to read. It tells enough about the story without spoiling it for the readers.
Chapter 1: Day One I like the fact the first chapter is titled simply 'Day One', it gives a really nice adventure feel to it. The first part of this chapter is nice. We can see that she's at some sort of holiday camp with people she doesn't know. We also have two other characters introduced, Kennedy and Amelia. However, I feel that it's taking a long time to get to the action. I would have liked to see more about the food tent, sights, smells, taste of the food. I think this would be better instead of using little images to signal scene changes. Consider improving the transition between the description of the grass and the scene where Amelia talks about the food she's eating.
Although I don't think the beginning of this book has much of a hook to it, I do think it would be better if the story started with the kids being told the PM had been assassinated. As someone who knows quite a bit about politics, I believe the government would just put another person in as temporary prime minister like they did when Boris Johnson had Coronavirus. I'm also not sure that they would announce the pm's death so quickly. There would have to be a post-mortem on the body, his next of kin would have to be informed, so I wouldn't really expect it to be announced for at least 24 hours.
Chapter 2: Day Two As I read through this chapter I'm a little bit confused with some of the characters and the setting. Although I assume it is set in the U.K, a few of the characters sound a little bit American. I'm not sure if you're American yourself or just find yourself creating American sounding characters, but I am actually from the U.K., and they don't sound very British to me. We also don't really have summer camps here either. Although the PM's Murder is interesting, I feel the story is drifting and nothing is really happening. We know she's at a camp and she's making friends, but at the moment nothing is really happening and it's losing my interest a little bit.
The plot does make me think about the Berlin Wall. Perhaps that's what inspired you to write this book.
Conclusion While I planned to read three chapters, unfortunately I struggled to read past chapter two. Your book was very nicely described in parts, but there just wasn't enough to engage me as a reader.
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