J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#26: Inevitable

First Impression

The cover is a little on the plain side. It shows a couple walking down a flight of stairs like a fire escape, but it doesn't really say much about what the book is about. It also isn't eye catching enough for my liking. In my opinion brighter colours work better.

Prologue

In my opinion 99% of all prologues written in Wattpad books are either not needed or read like a chapter before the chapters start, this is known as chapter 0 syndrome.

In the prologue we see an insight into your characters, Claudia, a college student, and Maverick, her boyfriend's lives and relationships, but I can't help feeling we know too much too early in the story. We are not even in the first chapter and we know she is a college student who works at a fast food restaurant and can't afford a car at the moment. Although I wouldn't go as far as to say this is an info dump there's a lot of information here considering it's only the prologue.
Both characters here are coming across as a bit silly. Maverick has cheated on this girl several times in the past, yet she still loves him makes her sound a little bit like a doormat. I am sure she could meet someone much better at college or at work who would be more suitable for her than Maverick, who is coming across as a rather typical bad boy character.

Maverick clearly has no regard for Claudia and is acting a bit like a man-whore. This type of character is very difficult for people to enjoy reading about so I'm hoping he's not going to be in it much. I can't help wondering why you have named him Maverick as it isn't the first time I have seen this name for a bad boy character.

When Claudia explains that he has cheated on her quite a few times before, but he's her high school sweetheart and she loves him, I can't help thinking where's her self respect, which means at the moment I am struggling to have any respect for her at all. By her constantly taking him back after he has cheated on her multiple times it shows him that he can treat the girl he's with like dirt and she will still take him back. Where are the boundaries in the relationship? They're old enough to have a flat together and to be responsible for paying the rent and the bills, but Claudia doesn't seem old enough mentally to kick this twat into touch and dump him after the first time he's cheated on her. I hope things get better for her but I don't have any respect for her character and worry that readers will struggle to connect with someone who isn't coming across as very bright.

There's a few grammatical errors within this prologue and it does need editing. I suggest you download Grammarly which should help you pick up some errors.

The more I read of the prologue the more I am beginning to dislike Maverick.

Chapter One

The first chapter of this reads very much like the prologue did; only this is set two years ago, and not six years ago. I really don't think it's a good idea to use dates in books like this, because although you have said the prologue was four years ago, from today's date 2020, it's actually six years ago. This dates your story and not in a very good way.

In my opinion what every book needs is a killer hook, something to keep your readers interested from the first word of the first chapter until the final scene at the end chapter. What you have here is a statement, it's the end of the day and I can finally go home. This isn't what I would call a hook.

The descriptions of the coffee shop and the relationship with her friend is nice, but as I read through it and realise she's still hung up over that dick head means I still can't respect her. She has had four years to get over that guy and find someone decent. It sounds that she has a good life now, a decent job, some good friends and opportunities to meet human beings wouldn't cheat on her with any random girls. So instead of getting herself a hot book loving man, she is still hung up over that awful Maverick. The way she is unable to move on from him after so many years makes this sound a bit hard to believe. The fact that can still remember the exact date four years earlier that he cheated on her, is unrealistic.

After reading through the prologue and the first chapter I am struggling to see a direction where this book is going in.

Conclusion

The book isn't terribly written, there's a few grammatical errors here and there which can be easily fixed. However I think the main problem for me is the personality of Claudia. The amount of times Maverick has cheated on her and everytime she keeps taking him back, means the readers could, and in my case, have, lost respect for her. The fact she is still thinking about him four years later is ridiculous. Readers need to be able to care about characters in order to want to read about them and Claudia is coming across as a doormat. I suggest joining a read for read book club where you can exchange feedback with other writers and gain their opinions on your characters.

Ps, try Shut Up and Write, they're starting a book club soon.