J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#22: Perfect Harmony

First Impressions

The cover is nice and simple. I really like the font that has been used and the photograph is also nice. However, for me as a reader, it's not that unique. I have lost count of how many book covers on Wattpad I have seen that look like this. A girl standing in the middle of the road looking into space, not only tells me little about the book itself but isn't eye catching enough to bring in readers. It's nice, but sometimes nice just won't do. I suggest finding a better cover designer and really think about the image you want to give your readers when they come to look at this book. I know people aren't supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but they do. Especially on sites like Wattpad. A good book cover will help bring in the reads, an average cover could go either way. But a better one, with brighter colours and a more eye catching design wouldn't hurt.

The Title

It's rare that a reviewer will pick on something so small as the title of a book, but when it comes to choosing what to call your work, the title can make or break it. Unfortunately the title Perfect Harmony, is a little overused. I have searched through Wattpad and have found over 120 other books by loads of different writers with the exact same title. Like the cover, I'm afraid the title isn't very unique.

Character introduction

When writing a book review unlike other reviewers who read the book and then write the review, I write it as I read the book. This way you can see how I experience it as a reader instead of just a reviewer.
Now I'm not sure if you've read any of my reviews before, but I am not a huge fan of these character introduction pages, actually I hate them with a passion. It's not that I don't understand them, I do, but it's the impression these pages give about the writer before the readers have even started on the first chapter. It gives them, and me for that matter, that you are incapable of describing any of your characters in writing so are compensating by sticking photographs of random actors/celebrities or images you came across on Google, in a page before the start of the story so your readers can see what each character looks like. Now I haven't started the book yet, but I will in a minute, but that is my first impression before I've read it. Whether I am wrong, or whether I am right remains to be seen. But if I were you I would strongly consider culling the character information page. I understand a lot of Wattpad writers use them, but just because everyone else does it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. At the end of the day, the character introduction page is something the majority of your readers will skip.

Chapter One

I have learned over the years that what every book needs is a good hook at the beginning of the first chapter. You need something to grab in the readers and force them to start reading and never to stop until the final word of your last chapter. A good way to start is usually with an action scene or something that will make them really want to know what happens next. Knowing that it's a normal Friday evening when a yet unnamed girl gets a telephone call from her manager, isn't what I would call an interesting start to the story. I will admit I have read worse, I've read a lot worse believe me, but I have also read ones that are more captivating and, well, interesting than this. Think about what makes it an ordinary day for her. If you were to show this scene through your characters eyes, really get into her head and show your readers her day through describing how she feels and where she lives, that would be a little more interesting, but I'm afraid there is no hook to this chapter.

The relationship Penny has with her manager is a little strange. I'm yet to know how old this chap is yet here is a young woman asking him intimate details about his sex life with his fiancé.

As I read through the first chapter I can see that it is very dialogue heavy. There doesn't seem to be a tremendous amount happening here apart from two characters having a conversation. I can't help but notice that not one of these characters, Penny or Tyler, have been described. You have photographs in the book, in a separate character introduction page and although I think that's the wrong place for it, those photographs could be much better utilised if, instead of putting them in the book, you kept them in a separate document for your own references. You can look at them and describe what you see in writing. It's a much better way of using photographs then to paste them into the book.

There's a lot here that could do with improving and it not just talking about the description of the characters. This chapter, and I'm assuming the others as well, are lacking in description. There are so many things you could do with it. I mean the length of it for the first chapter isn't bad, but I feel that it's two characters having a chat followed by another two characters having a chat. What you really need to do is get inside Penny's head and show us her life, her friends and her situation. It's all very well you telling us that Penny's mother was an over-sensitive woman, but it's much better to show us. Do you know an over sensitive person? Whether you do or whether you don't, isn't really the problem here. Try watching some tv shows where you have over sensitive characters, you want shows with actual people in not cartoons or anime characters. Watch their body language, listen to their voices. How do they sound? How does their expression change when they cry? I know this might sound odd, but take notes. Trust me it will help.

Chapter Two

I wasn't planning on reading the second chapter, but currently there are only two chapters to this story so I may as well continue. Having read the first chapter I thought of something that might help you gain reads. Now some writers don't like them, some don't see the point in them, but others, like myself, can't help but love a chapter title. They may seem silly to some, but chapter titles are brilliant ways of giving a little hint to the readers as to what the chapter is about. If done correctly, they should interest the reader and make them want to read the chapter to find out what it is about. If done incorrectly or with no thought at all, they can give the whole plot away. I once read a romance book where the chapter title gave away every interesting twist within the chapter which wasn't the cleverest thing to do.

I think this book would benefit from having chapter titles added. I mean it wouldn't hinder things if I'm being honest.

In the first chapter we had Penny, her parents and sister Heather and Tyler, but in the second chapter other characters are mentioned. Now for a reader who has just started to read this book, these new characters are coming across as random. Ok, I know Georgia Sanchez is the fiancé of Tyler, but I'm not sure mentioning her sister and a random chap so early on in the second chapter was really the right thing to do. As far as I'm concerned both as a writer and a reader is every character should have a purpose to the story and their place to be mentioned. Perhaps if you were to have Penny talking about them or another character mentioning her sister or her chap then they wouldn't sound quite so random. Another thing I have noticed again, is none of these characters have been described.
Like the other chapter I can't help noticing that this chapter also contains a little bit too much dialogue.

Conclusion

Overall I don't think this was a bad story, however it does need work. There are random characters, and both chapters are lacking in description. My advice is to join a book club or writing community to gain more feedback on this book. There are lots around on Wattpad. Some will require more participation than others but if you have a really good look around for one I am sure you will find the right one for you.