Hi I'm J. I have been writing for well over ten years and write novels for young adults (13-18). I will happily write a review of the first 3-4 chapters of your work in a constructive criticism style. I will not sugarcoat my feedback but I will sugg...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
First Impression
The Cover gives off a dark, mysterious and gothic feel, which is brilliant for this genre.
The Summary, is a rather complicated read. Some of the sentences aren't flowing as nicely as I would have hoped and I don't feel it says enough about the book to make people want to read it. However, I know how difficult writing summaries can be, so I will overlook it and focus more on the actual story.
Chapter one: A Dark Secret Now usually I'm not all that struck on chapters starting with dialogue as I usually prefer more action than this, but although you have started this with your character's thoughts, it is rather interesting. Within the first short paragraph we have already established that the book is possibly set within a palace, which is great and it sounds like a rather elaborate palace, but I love a chandelier.
Early on in this chapter we have the thing that kicks off the plot, the murder of the King. But to be honest I think this could most definitely be described better. A silhouette was piercing a dagger into the king's fragile heart.
Take this sentence. It is the most important sentence in the book, but it doesn't say hardly anything about the scene that is unfolding in front of your characters eyes. Think about the king, show him. Is he standing? Is he laying down? What is he doing? How does he feel? Does your character think he knows he is going to die? I can't help but wonder where the kings guards are when this assassination is taking place? Why are they not doing their job and guarding their monarch? There's a few plot holes here but considering it is only the first chapter, they're not too bad that it will stop me reading. To be honest, I wish there was another chapter to read as I would really love to know where the guards were.
I love the fact that although this is in the first person, you have managed to add some mystery so the reader will have to keep reading to know who killed the king. I think this book would be improved if you really thought about your character and show the story from inside her head. Think about her senses. What can she see (describe it), what can she smell, what can she hear, taste, touch?
Conclusion I really enjoyed reading this story and hope you are continuing to write it. I have had a look at some of the comments others have left on the book and I was wondering if you might be interested in joining a read for read book club, as I think it would really help you with gaining feedback. I will happily recommend a book club or writing community if you wish.
Note: The author only had one chapter so only one chapter was reviewed
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
![J's Reviews [closed to catch up]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/230837707-64-k601510.jpg)