J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#8: The Girl and the Dragon

First Impression
The Cover is very professional looking, just as a book cover should be. It looks as if it should be on the shelves of WHSmith or Waterstones, very bright and very eye catching. I absolutely love the gold font and those creepy dragon eyes. The only problem is the figure in the centre. I'm not 100% sure what it's supposed to be or how it is connected to the plot. In my opinion the lovely gold font and the creepy dragon eyes would be more powerful on their own instead of being using the person.

The Summary is interesting. We are introduced to Georgina and already know a little bit about who she is, which is nice. I really like the fact it is based off a legend and look forward to seeing how the story progresses

Chapter 1.
It would have been nice to see a chapter title to go with this chapter, but oh well.
The first thing I notice about this chapter is the fact the second sentence is extremely long. It could easily be broken up which would make it much easier to read. A few of the sentences are flowing as nicely as I would like. Some parts sound as if they are written in the present tense and some read like the past. I have also noticed you have used the word that quite a bit. Usually when writing, if a sentence works without the word that in it, then you can remove it, if it doesn't work without it then leave it in. I can see a few spelling errors here as well. Where you write today they were withdraw, the correct sentence would be today they were withdrawn.

I don't know why, but a lot of people on Wattpad seem to have developed the bad habit of describing eyes as orbs. I don't know why they do it, where it came from or who started it, but there are 100 better ways to describe eyes than orbs. It doesn't matter if the character telling the story is describing their own eyes or another character's eyes, but please think of something a little more imaginative than orbs.

Apart from the orb thing, I am really enjoying the lovely way you have used show v tell in this chapter. Everything is described so brilliantly and clearly that I could picture the scene perfectly in my head.

Chapter 2
I think with a book of this genre, it would have been nice to introduce some chapter titles. These little subtitles can help increase the readers curiosity and encourage them to read the book (if they're done well).

I like the way she is coming across, she's acting like a girl who is about to die which is what she is, but something tells me that die isn't what's going to happen here. I feel you've built up this for the reader to believe that she is going to be a human sacrifice, but I think something bigger and better will happen to her. Maybe she finds another way to save the people whom she really cares for. I like how you have shown her caring side without having to say she cares for her people.

I love the way this chapter, like the previous one, has also contained beautiful descriptions of the scenery around her. A lot of writers, especially on sites like this, spend a lot of time describing the tiny little things that we don't really need to know and not enough on describing things like scenery, which really helps to make or break the story.

Chapter 3
I love your description of the dragon, I see it's more of a mythological dragon instead of a How To Train Your Dragon, dragon. I will admit I did start to wonder whether or not your dragon would talk. He's kinda reminding me of the one in Merlin, though he was more a dark earthy green colour rather than the bright green of your chap. I like how headstrong Georgina is, how she's coming up with a game for her and the dragon to play. I didn't think they would end up playing the game but it's a nice twist. The riddle game is really interesting, if a little cruel. Whoever loses dies, but I'm still to decide whether or not I think Georgina or the dragon die. Absolutely brilliant cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, I might have to keep reading to see what happens

Conclusion
Overall I have really enjoyed reading this story. I love how much work you have clearly put into creating such a vivid world. Even though I try to only read the first three chapters when reviewing I am left wanting to read more. I wish we had more writers like you in Shut Up and Write as you really have a talent for description.