J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#9: Blooming Flowers

First Impressions
The Cover is nice and simple, but I can't help feeling something is missing from it. I think it would be better if it gave a hint or two about what the book is about. I might be more interested in reading it if it had a different cover. There are so many books on Wattpad with similar covers, I just feel it could be more unique and eyecatching.

I can't help finding the character introduction page a bit useless, to be honest. I, like many readers, like to be able to have the characters described to me within the pages of the actual story instead of having them all stuck together in one chapter which a lot of people (myself included) will skip. I will admit, even though I'm not a fan of character introduction pages myself, it's nice to see you haven't gone down the usual celebrities and have used Bollywood stars. At least I think they are Bollywood stars.

Chapter 1: Natures Envy
I really think you have hit the nail on the head here when it comes to this chapter title. You've gone for cryptic, but not too cryptic, the perfect chapter title combination. Well done.
As I begin to read through the first few paragraphs I can't help but notice that the first part is written in the present tense with the rest being written in the past. Usually, I would say to keep everything within one tense. It makes things much easier for the reader if just one is used, but to be honest, it actually works really well. Have you considered using the present tense paragraphs as a prologue and then start the actual story when you change the tense.
It's nice to get a little sense your character, who's name I do not know, possibly fancies this Manish chap. I like how you have subtly implied it rather than straight up saying how much she likes him.
I get the sense that you haven't been writing long as I can see a few little rookie mistakes. Don't worry, they're only small. Just remember that when you're transitioning from one scene to another, it's much better to move gradually instead of using ***** as this can be a little abrupt at times. I know a lot of people use marks like that when changing a scene but it's better to use proper transitions.

Also, try and remember that a lot of your readers aren't from the same country you are or the country your book is set in, so some don't know what a 'Shimlan' accent is. I think it's probably Indian but I don't know, that's only a guess. It would be nice for the reader to know where this book is set as well as I believe I am halfway through the first chapter and there is not a hint of setting.

At the moment the only thing I know of the setting is that it's not LA and that your character has been there on a recent holiday. When writing about real-life places there's a risk that you could unknowingly date the story. If someone decides to read this book in let's say, ten years time, there's a high chance that some of these attractions mentioned in the book may not be there anymore. Usually, I find it's better to use fictional places that could be anywhere at any time.

I'm a little bit confused as to the character Manish, as at one point earlier on in the chapter he was called Manish, but now he seems to have had a sudden name change and is now known as Sunny. I think this is probably his nickname, but it would be nice to know why he is called his. It would also help the reader if you picked a name for him and stuck to it. It's either Sunny, or Manish, but it could become rather irritating and a little confusing if he was known by both names.
Talking of characters, some are beginning to sound random. I don't really know who Sandhya Aunty (who I assume is someone's Aunt, but who's aunt?) or Ashwini. I think the problem here is you are calling these people more than one name, Ashwini is also known as Jaya, Manish is also known as Sunny.

Chapter 2: The Fire Between Us
I will admit I am really enjoying these chapter titles. They could mean anything. Like I said before, a good balance between cryptic and not cryptic. I really like the way you have described the fire, very unique. I've never seen fire described like that before. I'm not that stuck on characters saying other characters facial expressions were the cutest thing in the entire world. I mean I know what it's like to like a guy but I don't think I would say that about him, as he's an actual human being and not a pet or a teddy bear/cuddly toy.

Conclusion
I planned on reading three chapters like I always try to do when conducting a book review. However, the constant random characters that kept popping up every so often have kinda put me off. I am finding myself becoming very confused with who's who and the fact several characters are called more than one name is quite frankly annoying. I keep finding myself having to flick back to the character introduction sheet which is something I shouldn't have to do if, like in most books, it was one name per character. If he's called Manish, keep calling him Manish. Or at least explain why he's called Sunny. My advice, as someone who has written about 100 characters in my time, please, if you do anything, pick a name and stick to it.