J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#15: Savage Hearts

First Impressions

The Cover is stunning, such beautiful colours and a really eye catching design. Credit to the person who designed it. It is exactly what a book cover should look like. However, the cover (and the blurb) give off a rather romance theme, but the title Savage Hearts, doesn't.

The summary, although well written, does make me think this could be one of those werewolf romance books that I will warn you, I am not a huge fan of. Don't get me wrong, I love a werewolf novel, I write the genre myself, but there are a lot of werewolf romances. However, I will review yours with an open mind

Chapter One: Arrival

As I read through the first chapter I couldn't help thinking it was a rather slow start. When I first pick up a book I like it to start with something that really grabs my attention as a reader. Action scenes are a brilliant way of doing this. The most interesting sentence in this chapter so far, is the line Simon was supposed to be my father. If that was the opening line I think it would read a lot stronger. I can also tell there isn't a lot of description in this chapter. I would have liked to have seen the airport described earlier on in the chapter, but I can see one has been included. I am a little bit confused as to why it says A business stood a metre away from me smoking a fat cigar. Shouldn't that be a businessman? Holly comes across as a typical teenager, but this chapter is drifting. If it had started with my suggestion above or even with the chap asking if she's Holly Ashford, that would be a bit more interesting to me than what you have currently.
Although it's not a badly written chapter, actually far from it, it is drifting on one thing to another. I think Holly should be more interested in getting to know her father instead of some random boy she's just seen, which makes her seem a little bit shallow and boy obsessed. Getting to know her father and indeed the paternal side of the family, in my opinion, should be more important than a random boy.

There are a lot of missing descriptions here, her new room hasn't been described and I think her feelings could be described better as well.

Chapter 2: First Day

I thought the dream sequence at the start of the chapter was well written but lacked emotion. Where were the hysterical screams? Where was the blood? The pain? The shock? Really show these scenes. Show v tell isn't something reviewers like me talk about just to annoy writers, it is a vital tool that all decent writers must learn to use if they are to become one of the greats. Put yourself in your character's situation, see what she sees, hear what she hears, feel how she feels. Without that you will lose readers. People will just get bored and may struggle to connect with Holly. Make her real. Because at the moment, the story is coming across as rather two dimensional. There's a few bits of information here that I don't think is really necessary. Does the reader really need to know how she's fixed her hair, or what makeup she's putting on? Is it important?

I'm sorry, I hate to be rude, but I am losing interest in this story. The second chapter is literally telling the reader about a day at school. Most people have been to school, the majority of your readers know what a typical day at an American high school is like. Show is something we don't know. The only thing that happened in this chapter is that she met a guy at school, that's it.

Conclusion

In conclusion this book needs work. The cover is stunning but I don't think there is enough going on within the first two chapters to really reel the readers in and keep them reading. However, I know a really good read for read book club that should be able to provide you with some more opinions on this so you can get a better understanding of what your readers would want to see in this book. Let me know if you would like me to recommend a club for you.