J's Reviews [closed to catch up]

#13: Tears' Curse

First Impressions

The Cover is pretty and eye-catching. I love the colours used and the fonts. It really draws a potential reader in and makes them want to read it. Credit to the designer

The Summary is interesting, but wordy. I think there are too many questions asked. It's better to just stick to one point with the summary, without asking too many questions.

Chapter 1: no title
For me as a reader, I feel it is important to really be drawn to the story. Not just by having an impressive cover, but also from the first line. The most important, first line is what will grab the reader by the ear and tell them they will read this book. A book needs a hook, and I can't see one here. I mean the first few lines are interesting, and interesting is ok, but what it really needs is a good strong hook. And it's missing.

Another thing that is missing, is the chapter title. Now I know a lot of writers don't use them, in fact a lot of writers don't like them. But a chapter title, if chosen correctly, should ask the reader a question. Why? Why is this chapter called this? And as they read it, like I said, if it is chosen properly, at the end of the chapter the question should have been answered.

This chapter is written in a very poetic way. I love the descriptions you have used to show us the castle in the cloud and I can't help getting some fairytale vibes from it.

I really like the names you have chosen for your characters and the Chinese vibe to this story. I assume it is based on Chinese mythology but I think it would be better if you explained that the dragons were Chinese dragons and not the European type, big wings, huge bodies and so on. I always think the Chinese dragons are smaller and slender than the others that are twenty feet tall.

I like your characters, but to me, they are ancient beings and like it said in the summary, one of them is over a thousand years old, that's even older than my Vampires. They could do with sounding a little older. For example, Xue Er and the Master are talking, Xue Er tells him that 'Mortals are dumb'. To me the word 'dumb' sounds very modern, very American. I think there are more suitable words and phrases to use that the word 'dumb'. These are older characters, even if they appear young, their minds will be older with all the wisdom. I suggest perhaps finding a more suitable word to use.

As I read this chapter, I am starting to realise something. Not one of these characters has been described. It is very difficult to form a connection to a character who no one, apart from the writer, can see.

Chapter 2: No title
With the opening few sentences here we have another character, Miracle. Now I think from reading the summary that this is another name for Xue Er, but I think if someone chose to read this book and they had not read the summary, they might find this rather confusing. It is better to choose a name for your character and stick to it or at least explain within the chapter why they are now known by a different name, which I can see you have done early on in the chapter.

Unfortunately I am going to stop reading here. Although this book is nicely written I am struggling to read it as it is a genre that I am not used to reading. I am finding it difficult to understand the plot or connect with the characters. However, for someone who really loves fantasy more than I do would really enjoy it.

I know a great writing group full of people who love reading and writing fantasy novels. If you would like me to I will happily recommend one to you.