❝ I have two hearts. One is to love others, and the other is to love myself. ❞
Kim Seokjin was a simple boy, who was far from ordinary. Born with two hearts beating inside him, he had no chance of being normal.
But that's what he always wanted.
He wanted to be normal. Like everybody else.
He wanted a family, to feel cherished.
He craved love, to feel special.
But what he never knew was, he had them all. But in the most unexpected way possible. He had it right in him.
༶｡o°✥✤✣ ✣✤✥°o｡
Jaehwa's heart was pounding so fast she was afraid that he would hear it. She was interrupted by the sudden sound of thumping behind her. Was that his heartbeat? She was surprised to hear the subtle pounding behind her. But what was weird is that there were two poundings, one from her left-back and the other from her right back. She paid close attention to the gentle thumping behind her. There were two. Two beats. How is that possible?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Title: 5/5 The title is original and attention-grabbing.
Cover: 5/5 Super cute picture of Jin would draw in any reader!
Description: 9/10 Nice description to entice your readers. Check the top of this page. I made a few corrections to misspelled words. I like the intro you did above better than the new one. Although short and to the point can be good, here it actually is too short. I think just shortening the one above would be better. Also, never say your story is boring! That is not true but will surely keep readers away!.
Plot: 18/20 I think the plot would be stronger with more angst.
Writing Style: 8/10 Your story-telling is really nice. It's not choppy or overly described and it fits with the story style.
Diction: 8/10 You have a nice use of words. Your sentences do not sound repetitive or too short. Sometimes you have used the wrong tense of a word. 'Mr. Song shook his head. not shaked.'
Dialogue: 8/10 The dialogue is interesting and shows the character's personalities. However, you need to separate who is speaking by a paragraph break. Punctuation is missing or not spaced correctly. This interrupts the flow when reading and is very important because if a reader can't tell who is speaking, they will lose interest in the story. Here is an example:
"Die die die you monster. Hey don't kick me. Don't touch my faceu. Not the face. Hey leave me alone" jin panicked while attacking the enemy."
"Die, die, die, you monster! Hey, don't kick me! Don't touch my faceu! Not the face! Hey leave me alone," Jin panicked while attacking the enemy.
The part where you explain who is speaking does not need quotes.
Basic Grammar: 7/10 The consistent lack of punctuation lowered your score. Sometimes you forget to capitalize proper names.
Aesthetic: 7/10 The chapters are pleasing. I like that you used pictures to illustrate the story and they go well with the cheaper. If I were you, I would go back and add pictures to the chapters that don't have them. The chapter numbers and titles are perfect. However, as I said before, you need to space the conversations with a blank space between what each character says. Also, I would put a separator or line between the author's notes, but what you did by putting chapter #, is also fine. It's nice that you included songs.
Originality: 8/10 This is a typical cute meet romance story written with charm and humor.
Ending: 10/10 The ending is super cute.
The new cover is awesome!
93/110
PS: You have completely overhauled this book making it even better. This is a clear example of how authors can build on what they have already written.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
