"His eyes...there is something wrong with them."We're not afraid of the dark, we're afraid of what's in it.
A glimpse of a pair of forlorn, despair-filled eyes in between the standing monoliths of trees in a darkened forest had a particular woman bent on finding out who it is, and most importantly - why were they portraying two emotions.
One was raven.
One was brunette.
Who are they?
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇
"We are born of the black and to the black we shall return."
"Set me alight and I will add grey between us. We will bridge through and rekindle."-
---
Never hold. Never illuminated. Never shadowed. Was smoldering fire enough to light the black?
This is a story of tragedy, of intimate romance, of gossamer beauty and a strange world with its even stranger King - and above all, Black.
Warning: I wrote this when I was still a naive girl so I'm sorry for any cringey lines. I will fix them once it is finished.
WARNING** Profanities and mature content.
Check it out tho, maybe dark Jeongguk will pop out to pop your lights.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
TITLE: 4/5Is this a reference to his eyes or his heart?
COVER: 5/5
DESCRIPTION: 6/10 The description needs to be reworded to make sense.
PLOT: 26/30The prologue inspires curiosity about the mysterious characters. It is well described but somethings are strangely worded. Even so, these minor details can be edited as you are a great storyteller with a lovely descriptive voice. I like the slow pace of the book as it makes me feel like those are my thoughts being expressed in a lovely cadence. Your writing style expresses the wonder of the story leading the reader to want to know more.
However, please don't ruin a great story. Give Y/N a name.
DIALOGUE: 9/10 The Dialogue is fresh and goes with the characters, but I sometimes lose track of who is speaking.
DICTION: 8/10Don't use unfamiliar words to describe a simple thing.Say, My body was seated in an awkward way...
You have indicated that the story is unedited, so I won't say much about the strangely worded writing. Here is a small example, you don't move houses. You move to a different house or city.
Also, it's not smoke over food, it's steam. I would refrase to, "Quickly I sit and gobble up all the food not minding the amused stares of my family."
At times, the flowery language can be a bit overdone. I would tone it down a bit.
GRAMMAR: 7/10In the first two sentences of the first chapter you have two tenses expressed. They should match. This is it. This is a new beginning.
You are missing comas in many places and should edit your book with a grammar checker. Sometimes you have the adjective but you leave out the thing it is describing. Obsidian is not another word for eyes. Instead it describes the color of the eyes.
AESTHETIC: 8/10 I liked the simple chapter titles but for such a deep and fancyful book, I would have liked to see more pictures to capture the mood.
ORIGINALITY AND APPEAL: 8/10Your book is original and has an other-worldly feel that is magical. I would love it if you would join the BTS Writer's Awards going on now under Fantasy/Dark Fantasy. You have created a mysterious world, but naturally, the appeal of the book would be greater if the story had come to a climax. I hope you continue with your book.
