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His Online Girlfriend by BTS_BANGTAN_FFS 4.5K Reads, 713 Votes, 21 Parts
Cover: 4The picture on the cover goes well with the texting plot. You are just missing the author of the book. The new cover is very nice!
Title: 5The title is cute and goes with your story.
Description: 7 The description is quaint but doesn't say much about the book. Try writing something that will draw the reader into the story.
Plot: 12 The story starts with a random text leaving the reader wondering why the initial texter chose this girl. I would like to see some backstory to make the characters more likable. Why does Hunter text Y/N? Did he see her and somehow found her number? Why would he call her beautiful if he has never seen her? This does not make sense and is very stalker-ish.
Writing Style: 6 Your writing style is very straight forward with very little description. I think the parts when Jimin is expressing how he feels and what is happening should be told in the first person pov to give it more emphasis. Since the book starts with text showing two people's pov by their conversations, I think it would be cool to continue the story by telling it from the pov of each instead of the narrator. BTW instead of putting *author* you should use *narrator.*
Diction: 5 Your word choice could be more interesting. You will find your vocabulary will increase the more you read.
Dialogue: 8 This story is told mostly with dialogue through text. Good job on the natural-sounding dialogue.
Grammar: 7 I know it is just text so the writing is less formal but you mix up your tenses a lot. Try using a spell checker with grammar correction so you can catch when you are using the wrong tense.
Aesthetic: 6 There is very little thought put into the aesthetic except for the texting part which is done nicely. The pictures you included in their texting were very cute.
Originality and Appeal: 5 You strived to tell a heartfelt story about a lonely girl that meets BTS Jimin and they fall in love. This wish-fulfillment story will entice many readers. I hope you keep working on your writing style by painting a picture with your words to entice the readers.
The book was less appealing to me because the ending is rushed and seems like it was put in just for shock value. It doesn't add to your sweet story of a couple falling in love.
65/100
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