One Night. One night that changed everything. The night was only a memory to the boys, all that was remembered was the drinking, the laughter, and the noise. Everything was blurred; there wasn't a clear image drawn in anyone's mind but they knew it was a happy night, a joyful evening. Yet, the sky that night was the darkest in decades, and the moon completely lost its softness. The stars didn't shine, instead, they were dulled as though they had lost all purpose. The only smiles that night were from the seven men.
Those smiles didn't last long. Smiles turned to frowns and tears of laughter turned to tears of regret and sorrow. The happy moments were forgotten and all wished they never decided to meet that evening. All their years of being together were ruined within a few hours. And no one knew why. All they knew was that the happiness was an illusion.
Betryal by small_psycho 717 Views, 99 Likes, 13 Parts
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Title: 5 Great title for a mystery book. I also liked the font you used.
Cover: 4 The cover is dark as is the subject but a little too dark and it can make people skip over your book.
Description: 10 This certainly makes the reader want to find out what happened, who betrayed them and why.
Plot: 19 The mystery plot is well thought out so far I can't wait to read the ending and discover how everything ties in. I love how you have studied cliff hangers.
Writing Style: 10 I like the juxtaposition of the happy moments being recalled as he experiences his sadness. The whole book is well described in an entertaining manner with a bit of humor in spite of the sad and emotional subject.
Diction: 9 There are a few instances where you have used the wrong word or wrong spelling. I only commented on some of them because I realize you will catch them when you edit/reread the story. Instead of, "he couldn't bare to witness his still, stationary."'
I would say, "He couldn't bare to witness the stillness of his corpse."
Dialogue: 9 The dialogue is natural and well done however, I did notice some punctuation issues. Check out the chapter in this book called, "how to punctuate dialogue."
Grammar: 9 Some minor punctuation problems.
Aesthetic: 8 The chapters are neat with the necessary warnings and author notes, however, I would like to see some media. At least one picture for a header with the book's name or a picture that embodies the feel of the chapter. For a book like this, I think mood boards would be a nice touch.
Originality and Appeal: 10 This murder/mystery book was very enjoyable to me so I gave it high marks. I hope you continue the emotional story to its conclusion. The only thing I'm afraid of is that one of his friends betrayed him in such a heinous manner.
