DESCRIPTION: 9/10 I love descriptions and include a snippet of the book to give the flavor of the story without giving too much away.
PLOT: 29/30 I enjoyed this story told from the first person pov. This romantic story beautifully unfolds as they get to know each other. I liked that you showed what they liked instead of telling us what they like. It's the nuance of storytelling that some beginning writers don't seem to get and it's not so easy to do. The best part of any romance is when they are getting to know each other and this is done very well.
The underlying vibe of the plot is that it's the simple enjoyments in life that make it special. There are many amazing moments that Namjoon and BTS get to experience but, the simple moments in life can be pure magic so make time for them and appreciate them.
DIALOGUE: 10/10 The dialogue is natural and shows the character's personality in how they say things especially between Yoongi and Namjoon. The way that Yoongi just told him to leave was funny.
DICTION: 9/10 You sometimes skip words, so I recommend you use Grammarly to help you catch when you do it. Example: I had been planning this trip for years. You missed 'been.' For everything I did, I had a reason. You skipped the 'I.'
GRAMMAR: 9/10 The grammar has no big problems that I could see just a few missing periods.
As far as your writing style, I think you could edit a few of your sentences for better clarification and description.
Instead of saying: I unlock my bicycle. It's mint green and charming. Really convenient that the apartment came with one since I really enjoy cycling. (This is charming in itself because it is how we really think.)
You could change it to:
I unlock the charming mint-green bicycle that conveniently came with the apartment. I really enjoy cycling. You might say, for me, it's one of the best feelings in life is feeling the wind in my hair or the rain in my face.
AESTHETIC: 10/10 I like the aesthetic especially the chapter titles and pictures. I also noticed that you purposely spaced the writing to mimic a more poetic style. Instead of grouping ideas into paragraphs, you spaced them out for emphasis. Because you are a strong writer, this works.
ORIGINALITY AND APPEAL: 10/10
First of all, thank you for giving your character a name and not calling Ayanna Y/N. I can't stand that!
There is a cadence to your writing that a reader can get lost in. It's like you are in the character's brain thinking and experiencing the same things. I really enjoyed your book. I feel like I was on vacation too. I so want to experience all of that!
