famILY 💔(Sandersides AU)

*off key kazoo*

"I can't do this," Virgil said quietly. Fear ran through him and his hands were trembling slightly. He hadn't been to a hospital in months  and he didn't think he would be able to go in again.

Roman stopped walking and turned to face him. "Whats wrong?" He asked, concerned. He reached out a hand and laced his fingers through Virgil's, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Virgil took a deep breath. "I hate h-hospitals. It's stupid I know," he added quickly.

"It is not stupid! Don't ever say that, ok? It's not stupid to have a fear of something,"

Virgil nodded, even though he didn't feel any better. He did feel stupid. It was a building, it couldn't hurt him. It wasn't even the same building where- where. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. It was years ago. He was being ridiculous.

"We don't have to go in if you don't want to. We can wait here," Roman said, his eyes on Virgil, filled with a loving concern.

"No. No, I have to see Logan. I'll be ok,"

Roman nodded and smiled encouragingly, squeezing Virgil's hand whenever he felt it shake. Virgil was glad he was here. He wouldn't have been able to do this alone. He was reminded of when he had hurt his head and Logan and Patton had brought him here. He had been so scared then, more so than he was now. But they had gotten him through it. He was so so grateful for that.

By the time they made it down the maze of corridors and stairwells to Logan's room, Virgil was feeling better. Not confident or comfortable in any way, but better. Having Roman by his side helped.

They pushed open the door and slipped into the room. Patton was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to Logan with a beaming smile on his face. Relief and joy flooded through Virgil upon seeing is friend. He sped up and threw his arms gently around the boy, forgetting to let go of Roman's hand as he did. He dragged Roman behind him until the redhead managed to pull himself loose.

"Calm down Virge, jeez," Roman exclaimed, laughing. "And also, hey nerd, nice too see you alive,"

Logan smiled as Virgil pulled back and flopped into the hard plastic chair that sat by the bed. "Greetings and salutations Roman, Virgil, Remy,"

"Wait, Remy? When did you get here?" Roman spun, almost hitting Patton as he did so. Remy, who has just walked into the room with, grinned.

"Sup hoes," he said.

There was a chorus of hello's and shuffling as everyone sat somewhere. There were only two chairs so it was a struggle. Virgil and Remy ended up on the plastic seats while Patton curled up next to Logan. Roman was left it perch in the edge of the bed.

"Virgil, Roman, I am wounded," Remy said, "I literally drove here in the dam car as you and you immediately left me? I'm offended! Especially you Roman. When did I get here! Honestly,"

Roman looked around and frowned. "I didn't drive here with you? It arrived first and waited at the door,"

Remy thought for a moment. "Oh yeah. Still hurt though,"

Laughter rippled through the room. The happiness that everyone felt was infectious, spreading like some disease, hanging in the air like a cloud. Logan was safe and well and everything was ok. Roman was even performing in that musical Virgil couldn't remember the name of soon, even though every one had forgot about it until a few days ago.

"Wait a minute..." Roman said slowly, looking around. "Where the hell is Remus?"

"Aw shit," Virgil muttered.

Remy looked between their faces. "Who's Remus? Is it bad he isn't here?"

"Remus," Roman answered, "is my brother. And considering he came here with me it's very bad he isn't here. I should go find him,"

Virgil, who had been feeling the first creeping signs of claustrophobia, stood up. "I'll help,"

Roman nodded. "We'll be back in a minute. We'll just be following the sounds of screaming and the smell of burning,"

As they left the room they heard Remy's concerned questions and Patton trying and failing to explain. Roman chuckled and shook. "Remus is going to be the death of me I swear,"

Virgil smiled, but it was forced. He regretted leaving the room. He had felt claustrophobic in there sure, but at least he wasn't anxious. His fear of being in the hospital had faded somewhat being surrounded by his friends, who caused ample distraction. Now he was out in the corridor, surrounded by doors and nurses and loudly talking people the  anxiety had returned, heavy and suffocating, enveloping him in its tight grip.

He tried to force it down, to swallow the lump in his throat and blink back the tears that were building. Roman seemed to notice this and reached out a hand, grabbing Virgil's tightly, running his thumb over the his knuckles in a reassuring manner. Virgil bit his lip and edged closer to his boyfriend until their shoulders brushed. They weaver among bodies, scanning the surrounding area for Remus and making a note of where they were going. God, this place was big.

"Let's look upstairs," Roman suggested, turning into a stairwell. At least he tried to; Virgil had frozen, rigid apart from the trembling that shook his entire body.

No. No no not there. Anywhere but there.

"Virgil? Virgil, baby, it's ok," Roman immediately spun and cupped Virgil's face in his hands. He ran his fingers over his cheeks, wiping away tears that had finally spilled. "I'm here, ok? I'm here,"

Virgil tried to compose himself, to move away. He was starting to attract concerned and pitying looks. These only made his anxiety worsen, this time mixed with an aching sadness that weighed on him like a million tons.

Roman looked up, craning his neck to see what Virgil had frozen at. When he saw it he immediately grabbed Virgil's hands and led him away, finding an empty room, turning and wrapping him in a tight hug. Virgil leaned his head on his boyfriends shoulder and sobbed.

He trembled we cried racked his body. He tried to close his eyes, to block out his surroundings and focus on Roman's hand rubbing circles on his back and Roman's voice, whispering soothing nothings. But when he did, the sign those words, that word, flashed behind his eyelids, like a record ready to play. He had gone so long without thinking about it, blocked out those memories. He had only just managed to lock them away again from the last time he was in a hospital and now there were flooding back in, worse than ever.

He didn't realise he had spoken until Roman's grip tightened and his words became softer.

"Mum...," he whispered, "oh god...mum,"

And then he saw the sign again, in his minds eye and his shoulders shook.

Cancer Ward
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I know what you're going to say and IM SORRY OK? I AM I SWEAR.

This chapter is a bit longer than usual cause I'm nice : ))) (that's a lie I'm an asshole) and I swear the angst will be over soon.

I don't have wifi right now so I might finish this and then upload all of these chapters at once so if future me does that you're welcome. If I don't I'm sorry you have to wait

Ok that's all I've got to say for now

Later🤟🏻