Hunting for Honey - THE SPECTER SERIES [book one]

Chapter SIXTEEN: The Silence

Honey Sinclaire

...ONE WEEK LATER...

You haven't seen Archer for an entire week since your fight, not since he had gone and done that thing he does.. The one where he suddenly seems less like a man and more like an unfeeling robot and you're still not sure which one is the real Archer West..

Patrick and Jackson have taken turns posted at your door and you've come to enjoy talking to and spending time with them both..
Patrick sometimes even brings you books to read and occasionally allows you to sit and watch silly videos on his phone with him.. Those few hours have become the highlight of your otherwise dull time spent in the safehouse..

You had asked Patrick about getting your own phone back, but he'd told you that for security reasons you weren't allowed to use it yet..
A huge disappointment to you since you had been wanting to call poor Yevette and let her know everything is okay.. You know she will be going out of her mind, worried sick about you.. You've never disappeared for weeks at a time before.. What must she be thinking?

Today, it's Jackson Ford who sits at the foot of the bed while you quietly munch the chicken and salad sandwich he has brought you for lunch..
It took a couple of days for Jackson to warm to you, but eventually you had ended up bonding with him over the tiny home towns that you both grew up in, coincidentally not too far from each other.

He however, had somehow managed to rid himself of the drawling accent you could never seem to entirely shake..

"You know, Honey.. I don't wanna speak outta school here, but.. West's been a real pain-in-the-ass since we brought you here." Ford broaches the subject tentatively, knowing it's a sore spot for you.. "N' I still don't really understand what even happened between the two of you?"

You smile, attempting to make an evasive joke, "Oh Jackson.. You sweet, beautiful fool.."

He lifts a hand to his heart in mock offence, "Hey!"

You sigh aloud.. Thinking about Archer still hurts way more than it should, a dull throbbing ache in your empty chest, "He wasn't honest with me, J.. I can't trust that anything he ever said to me, everything we shared, how do I know if it was real.. How do I know that this wasn't all just about doing his job.."

Jackson scratches his chin thoughtfully for a second before speaking with a cautious tone, "But, he came clean.. Honey, we were all assigned to this case.."

You see where he is coming from, but you feel like he's still not quite getting it, so you spell it out, "Yeah.. Except you didn't try to fuck me, Jackson."

He raises an eyebrow and grins, "Only cus' West met you first.."

You burst out laughing, "Oh, don't be nasty!"

Jackson begins to chuckle with you, before you settle back into a companionable silence..

When Ford says nothing else, you get the sense he is still waiting on some kind of explanation for all the additional tension it seems you've caused, "I appreciate you trying to help Jackson, I really do.. It's just.. Archer and Iris, even Ellerie.. They all used personal information to get close to me.. And that feels like a betrayal.. I just can't get past it."
You wring your hands in your lap, "But you and Patrick didn't do that.. So why did they?"

He gives you one of his hard, discerning stares.. "Honey, if the assignment had required me to use personal information the way they did.. I would have.. O'connor would too.. We're trained to get the job done, that doesn't mean we enjoy it."

This is a slightly painful revelation to you, but he's totally right, "Ouch, tell me what you really think, Jackson!"

He smiles, but otherwise ignores your deflection, "Look, I know you think I'm this better man, because I wasn't the one to directly betray you, and West was.. But I'm not, Honey, by a long shot.. I was a part of this op from the beginning, I read the file on you.. Hell, I advised West's strategy.. If you can forgive my involvement, can't you forgive him too?"

Damn his rational argument.. It's convincing, wearing you down so that your emotional walls crumble a little, "I want to, J.. As much as I hate to admit it.. I already miss him.." You confess..

"You do?" He asks solemnly..

You nod, "Yeah.. I must be insane.."

Jackson shakes his head, standing up and straightening out his jacket sleeves, "Not even a little.. Honey, it seems to me you're having doubts about the kind of guy West is, so let me clear a few things up for you.."

You hold your breath, anxious for him to continue, to tell you more about the man you just can't get out of your head..

"He's a national hero, except you'll never hear about it, because he will never sell his stories.. He left the Marines after 10 years of service with more decorations than most achieve in a lifetime.." Ford pauses for a moment to let his words sink in.. And they do, deep into your conscious, provoking regret and remorse for the way you had treated him..

"During those 10 years, he saved my life.. More times than I'd like to admit.. Patrick's too.."
Jackson gets a far-away look in his eye, like he's reminiscing on a past life.. "He's also suffered.. A helluva'lot.. It's not my place to say how or why.. But you should know, for him to be the man he is today, after the shit he's lived through.. Shit, I wish I was half the man he is.."

Okay, so Archer West is every bit as impressive as you had assumed.. That doesn't mean you should just throw caution to the wind and take such a huge risk.. Does it?
"Okay, that's.. Very admirable.. But it doesn--"

"And he saved you, darlin'.." He adds..

You snap your mouth shut, not wanting Jackson to stop giving you information..

"That night, the hitman came for you at the office.. When he realised you were in danger, he left his post and because of that.. One of our primary targets skipped town..
He copped a whole bunch of shit from Iris for breaking protocol to call O'connor and me in for backup.."

That's all news to you.. Why wouldn't he have told you..
Why does he keep so many secrets!?

"I--I didn't know.." You utter ashamedly, feeling very much put in your place..

Jackson crosses to the door and grabs the handle, truing back only to say, "Nah, you couldn't have known.. Because he doesn't want you to see him hurting.. Believe it or not, he's trying to put you first.. He's out there right now bringing in the guy who attacked you, so that you can go home."

He returns to his post outside the door and you stare down at the second half of your sandwich, suddenly without any appetite at all..