✔︎ The Gang Leaders | Bughead

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐞: 𝐀 𝐁𝐢𝐭 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: attempted suicide⚠️

Betty's POV

7:00 pm

It's been about a week since Jugheads mom left. The girls, Jughead, and I have been trying to get jellybean to calm down about it. We understand that it's going to take some time, but we also still have to take care of ourselves.

I'm laying in my bed at my foster home. I'm home alone right now and everything seems a bit overwhelming.

I'm trying to get back in line with the Serpents, trying to get my grades up, I have jellybean to take care of, I'm still going to therapy, I'm working.

I sigh looking at my ceiling with some 80s rock playing softly.

(A/N: 80s Rock is the best genre of music and I will fight you on this)

Jellybean has been staying with Veronica for the time being, but she's going over to Jughead's today.

I'm starting to feel the rise of a panic attack so I go ahead and take half a pill of my anxiety medication.

I sit there for another thirty minutes and don't feel any less calm. In fact, I feel more distraught.

I sit up in my bed, breathing heavy. "No, no. What do I do?"

I try and think of something I can do to calm me down. I'm not upset I'm just anxious. Everything is falling apart. I just want to be a normal l teenager. I want to be happy. I want everything to go back to how it used to be. I want people to not have to worry about me 24/7. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I feel normal?

I start to rock back and forth, trying to calm my breathing. I drag my nails down my arms and try catching my breath, my heart racing.

"I can't take it anymore!" I scream.

I grab my anxiety medication and open the lid. I hesitate for a second before deciding to just do it. I put my lips to the bottle and take almost all of the medication in my mouth. I swallow as much as I can, tears streaming down my face.

I start whimpering, regretting my decision. I lay back down still crying, when I hear the front door open.

"Hey, Betty. I'm home," my foster mom calls.

I quickly shut up and wipe the tears from my face. Sitting back up in my bed.

"Betty?" She calls, knocking on my door.

"Come in," I call out shakily. She opens the door and walks in, setting down a box.

"This is for you," she smiles. She leaves and quietly shuts the door.

I throw my feet off the bed before trying to walk back to get it, my knees buckling slightly. I reach it and pick it up. I walk to the kitchen to get a knife. I get one and open it. I set the knife back and pull the box open. I see it's a little gift. I look around some more to see it's a new phone. "Wow," I breathe.

This is the newest one, a total upgrade from my almost 6 year old one.

I suddenly hear a knock on the door. I set my phone down and make my way over to the door. I open it and am greeted with the gently eyes of Jughead. "Happy birthday!"

I look at him shocked, not understanding what's happening. It then hits me. It's my birthday. I'm 17.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot," I chuckle.

He wraps his arms around me. "You forgot your own birthday?" He asks me.

"Sorry," I shake my head. "Today's just been a rough day."

I open the door wider for him to come in. He walks in and looks at the counter. "You got your gift?"

"That's from you?" I asked.

He smirks. "Mhmm."

"C'mon, lets go to my room."

•••

3:00 am

I wake up to the feeling of my insides turning. I quickly rush to the bathroom and vomit. I vomit my guts out. I'm violently retching, but still trying to keep quiet so that I don't wake up my foster parents. It's feels like I'm going to vomit for a while.

I suddenly hear a soft open of a door. Fuck.

Suddenly the bathroom doors opens to see my foster mom. "Oh, sweetheart!" She rushes over to me.

She quickly grabs a towel and sticks it under my knees. See grabs my hair and holds it back while rubbing my back. "Shhh, it's okay."

•••

Almost an hour later, I've finally stopped throwing up. I feel like I've been poisoned. I turn around, tears streaming down my face, looking at my great foster mom who has sat here with me this entire time.

"What happened? We're you drunk?"

I shake my head. "I..." I sob out. "I took a lot of pills earlier, in hopes of, um... trying to end... my life."

She looks at me heartbroken. She doesn't say anything, just wraps her arms around me.

•••

The next day

Yesterday I tried to end my life. I haven't talked to anyone since then. I've just been cooped up in my room, lying in my bed. I haven't ate a lot, haven't done anything really.

I've been getting a bunch of texts, mainly from Jughead, but from other people too.

I don't wanna talk to anyone. I just want to be alone.

I don't know what to think. I don't know if I'm glad it didn't work, or if I'm upset that it didn't. I didn't even write a note. I just went for it. Nobody would've known what had happened.

I need to go to the Wyrm tomorrow, if not today. I'd like to talk to Toni, but she's probably busy with Cheryl.

A part of me wonders if she really likes me or not. Nobody really likes me.

I feel like that sometimes. Just like nothing.

Nothing matters, nothing's real. This is all fake, everyone In my life is fake.

I just— why can't any of this be easy?!

I just want it to stop. I start sobbing, trying to be quiet since I'm not home alone.

"I'm all fucking alone."

A/N: hey bitches. I'm back. This is the only thing my shit of a brain could come up with. This is a VERY personal thing but I'm proud that I don't deal with it anymore: I used to have suicidal thoughts. I mean, they never really go away, they're just a lot quieter now. I tried to write some of the thoughts that went through my brain when I was in a place like that, so yeah. Probably should've put a trigger warning but it's finnnnneeeee. I might add one now. Update: I added one :)

With love, as always,
Ella