Before Sunset (U N O)

K A B A N A T A LI

Free

I am bereft of words the moment his lips sailed against mine. It was intoxicating at nakakapag-palimot sa katinunuan. And good Lord, only Garret can do that!

One time I was so sure that I will never give him his chance and then, this? Lalo lang akong naguguluhan.

How can it be so easy for my ego and sanity to be lost just by that arresting moment? This is fucking crazy!

Amanda, how can you fucking allow that? Ano, you will let him again to screw the life you built? I thought you made it asshole-proof? How can you let your sanity vanish into the air?

My persona and my mind were filled with the dispute caused by what I just did. Halos masapak ko ang sarili ko. I was still intoxicated with that kiss and my cheeks were painted in crimson nang mapatingin ako sa salamin.

Why did you fucking respond? Ganoon ba siya kagaling? Fuck that!

Nawala ata ang sakit at pighati na idinulot niya- na idinulot nila. I can't allow that. It will only destroy me and turn me into ashes.

These feelings are only driven by the longing I had. It should not control me or else babalik na naman ang nakaraan ko.

"No, Amanda..." I said trying to calm and compose my self. Nagbabaga ang mukha ko dahil doon and thinking about it makes me even crazier.

I went back to the office at ramdam na ramdam ko ang gustong itanong nila Tita Ae and Mommy Lola. Still, their mouths remained shut. I was thankful for that. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko kung sakali.

I don't think I can handle the mad Belinda Flores. I can just imagine what will happen again kapag nalaman niya ang kung ano. I remembered how Mommy Lola despised me after seeing Garret and me. But yeah there's nothing to worry about. I won't allow it.

Garret continued sending things at the site pati na rin sa bahay. Pakiramdam ko nga ay nakararamdam na si Tita Ae, lalo na one day ay siya ang naka-receive ng flowers na dapat para saakin, but she did not say anything.

I was about to deny it when she cut-me-off instead. She just brilliantly smiled at me and said the words I wasn't expecting.

"It's okay, you don't need to deny it... Just be happy... I think Kuya will be happy..."

It made me brave. It made gather a little more courage to face those feelings of mine. Little by little I learned to tame it down. But, inaabot pa rin ako ng takot at pighati.

In silent moments I will remember my Papa and Mama. How there relationship failed. Natatakot ako roon.

It was one evening when Aislyn and I went for a drink. Hindi naman ako maglalasing kaya ayos lang. We were talking about her experiences before at napaabot kami sa point na si Garret ang naging topic.

"Why don't you give him a chance? Kahit try mo lang? I think he's always been patient..." she asked sheepishly. This woman is really confusing, noong mga nakaraan ay naaalala kong halos ayaw niya akong palapitin pero ngayon siya pa ang nagtutulak.

These past few days ay siya pa ang gumigising saakin dahil naririyan daw si Garret o di kaya may pinadala si Garret. I really can't believe her! Lalo na sila Art at Miggy, palaging may mga pakulo.

I raised my brows dramatically in disbelief. Umiling kaagad ako though my heart was screaming something.

"Huwag na... It will fade anyway..." I moved my gaze lower para hindi niya makita ang nararamdaman ko.

"I don't think it can fade... Garret will never allow that... Saan ka ba kasi natatakot?" asked Aislyn who shifted her seat closer to mine. "You are successful now and people won't remember anything. And if they will, I hope you know that it wasn't you who commited that mistake... Kaya 'wag mo naman pahirapan ang sarili mo... I can feel it Amanda..."