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"Taehyun! What are you doing?" Taehyun thinks he is dreaming when he looks up to see Beomgyu crouching next to him with a worried expression.
Taehyun feels new tears forming in his eyes. He reaches out to cling to Beomgyu's arm. "Please don't hate me. Please don't leave me..."
"Taehyun..." He knows he is behaving like a desperate child clinging to his mother, but the fear of losing Beomgyu is too much to take. "Taehyun, stop crying, please..."
"Don't hate me. I'm sorry. I love you...please...let me explain." Taehyun begs.
The black-haired man cups his face and makes him look up. "I don't hate you. You have lied to me all this time, but I can't find the strength to hate you for it. I just...I don't know if we can continue with everything that happened. It's hard to trust someone that can lie to you so easily. I know you mean your words right now, but...I don't think this relationship can work with you like this. And I don't think there is anything I can do. This is something that you have to work out yourself. Just try thinking about what's really important and sort out your life. Maybe then..."
Taehyun stares at him with wide eyes. "M-Maybe what?"
Beomgyu sighs again. "I don't know, Taehyun. We will have to see."
His phone rings again and the older man stands up, slipping right out of Taehyun's weak grip. "I really have to go. Please don't do anything stupid. I don't hate you, okay?"
Before Taehyun can say anything, the other man is out of the door. He stays on the floor for a while, just thinking and trying to comprehend Beomgyu's words. Taehyun is pretty sure that his love for Beomgyu is not a lie. It has never been one. Maybe it is the only truth he has in his life, except for his name.
But which Taehyun is the real one and which is nothing but an illusion? Where is the border between the real him and the prince in the castle? He can't find a clear line between them and it makes him frustrated. Has he been anything but an illusion for the last few years?
Taehyun thought he was being himself with Beomgyu, but the reality was different. He had only been a shadow of his old self. A replica of the Taehyun from the past - someone he cannot even clearly define anymore.
The black-haired man didn't let him talk about his past, about the memories that linked them together. But somehow Taehyun doubts, it would've changed anything.
He gets up with a heavy heart and stumbles back into the bed. Taehyun lies down and sniffles, raising his hand to wipe his tears away.
Maybe then.
He can't forget Beomgyu's words. Does it mean they still have a chance? That he might accept Taehyun back if only he changed? He has two choices: going on like he always has, with his brand clothes and everything, just rebuilding his castle with brick and mortar, making it a bigger and stronger one this time or facing the truth and ending this façade, leaving the castle of lies behind for a chance of (maybe) getting his love back.
The answer seems easy, but it is definitely not. Getting Beomgyu back is only a slim chance, a tiny spark of hope, but he knows that something has to change.
The love he gets from the crowd in the clubs can never be enough again. Not anymore, now that he knows what love really is; the unconditional kind of love that is not based on money or fame.
But can he change?
+×+
It is two days later when he makes a decision. He gets released from the hospital that day and just when he wants to leave his hospital room, Alia runs into him. "Taehyun!"
He gives her a weak smile. "Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?"
"I thought you might want to know that Mijoo-ssi woke up!"
His eyes widen as the older woman hugs him. Despite his gloomy mood, Taehyun manages a honest smile. He hugs Alia back. "Really?"
"Yes! She can't talk yet and is pretty much slipping in and out of sleep, but the doctors said that her vitals look good. She is going to make it!"
For the first time in days, Taehyun feels the weight on his heart lifting a bit. "C-Can we...visit her?"
"Yes! That's why I'm here to get you. Good thing you look a little better now. Getting into a fight right after she is hospitalized, what were you thinking, Taehyun? Mijoo-ssi would get a heart-attack if she knew!"
Taehyun sighs. "Sorry...maybe I should not go-"
Alia hits his forearm. "You have to go. You are basically her only relative here. She sees you as her son, you know that."
She wraps her arm around his and starts dragging him away. "Come on. She can barely keep her eyes open. I doubt she will notice how your face looks less handsome than usual."
Mijoo is not awake when they reach her room. The doctor tells them that things are moving along well. He usually doesn't give out information to people that are not members of the family, but since the old woman has no one else, he makes an exception.
But only one person at a time is allowed to enter the room. Alia tells Taehyun that he can go first and he gives her a thankful smile.
He enters the room and silence meets him. The only sounds he hears are the machines and Mijoo's soft breathing.
Taehyun closes the door and walks over to the sit down on the chair next to her bed. "Hello, Mijoo. It's Taehyun."
Taehyun looks at her peaceful expression and smiles, although the movement brings him a bit of pain still. "I'm glad you made it. You're a real fighter, aren't you? Unlike my mom..."
He reaches out to grab her hand. The skin is rough and a bit cold, but it feels warm to him nevertheless.
Taehyun lets out a shaky sigh. He cradles the smaller hand in between his palms. "I thought I was going to lose my second mother..."
His voice breaks and Taehyun fights the tears. Just then, he thinks that Mijoo squeezes his hand a little. He looks up and sees that she still has her eyes closed, but maybe she heard him nevertheless.
"I'm really glad. The past days have been hard and I...I'm pretty lost to be honest. I fucked up, really badly."
Silence meets him. "I hurt someone pretty bad by lying. I've lied to you too...You told me I was finally getting my life together, but turns out that I didn't. It was nothing but an illusion."
"He left me after finding out about my lies, because he doesn't know what to believe anymore. He said I need to change and stop deluding others, including myself. I don't know if I can stop. Who is the real Taehyun? Can I recover him? Can I be him again? I don't know if I'm strong enough, Mijoo."
"Boy-" Taehyun lifts his head and stares at Mijoo. Her eyes are still closed, but her brows are furrowed. "Don't be an idiot... and run away again.
"But I-"
"You are you. You've always been you. I don't know what happened to you before we met, but-" Her speech is interrupted when she starts coughing and Taehyun quickly hands her the glass of water from the small table nearby. She opens her eyes and gives him a thankful smile.
Mijoo gives him the glass back when it's empty. She wants to speak, but Taehyun stops her. "Can I tell you something? I've never told anyone about my past. It's hard to start, to remember..."
She pats his hand softly. "Take your time, Taehyun."
