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It takes him a while, but Taehyun tells her about his past. About his father that never really tried, the father he cursed at and the father whose death he thought would be a blessing. About his mother that tried too hard, the one he shouted at and blamed for everything, the mother that left him behind with nightmares.
About his first love, the sun of his universe that had burned his castle walls to the ground, Beomgyu who now seemed to be too far away because of Taehyun's mistake. About how he failed at everything he did.
Mijoo listens quietly, though he can hear her gasp at some parts and her eyes are glistening with tears when he's done. Taehyun feels relieved after telling his story, as if his shoulder got lighter suddenly. Telling Beomgyu still seems impossible, but less impossible than before.
She looks him straight in the eyes. "You've gone through terrible things and it scared you, it made you hide. You were a child, Taehyun. Don't blame yourself too hard. You wanted to protect yourself from further hurt, so you hid yourself behind this mask and tried to put your emotions into a dark corner for your mind. But the fact is that you were never a different person."
"You just made yourself believe that you were someone else; that this life was enough, that it made you happy and that money was all you needed. When Beomgyu appeared, you started to realize that you were still the same person, how vulnerable you still were, and it scared you."
"Everything you had believed in for years, the money and the fame, turned out to be fake - so you did what every child would have done, you clang to it nevertheless. You are still a kid in your head, Taehyun. A kid that needed to be an adult far earlier than other children."
Taehyun takes her words in with a sullen expression. He never changed? He is still the same? A kid? "You're no longer a kid, though. You need to let go of what happened to your parents, Taehyun. Think about the now. What is important right now? Your expensive clothes? The parties and your so-called friends? What do you really need?"
He sighs and rubs his face with his hands. "Beomgyu, but I don't deserv-"
A smack hit his head. "Boy! I told you to stop running away. You need to tell him the truth, like you told me. He's waiting for you."
"He's no longer waiting for that kid-"
"Idiot! Not the kid. He is waiting for this person! Do you think he would have come here and talked to you, if he hated you? He is waiting for you to let him into your heart. You're a wonderful person, Taehyun. Stop lying to yourself. Try to let go."
"But he said he can't believe anything I say anymore..." Taehyun lowers his gaze to the floor.
"The poor boy just found out about it. It must be hard for him too. If you show him all your honesty, he will believe your words. Try to think about your priorities, Taehyun. Take a while to sort out your life and then decide your next step." She urges him closer with her hands. "Come here, Taehyun, let me give you a hug."
He moves closer to her without protesting and she wraps her short arms around him, patting his back softly. Taehyun hugs Mijoo back carefully, not wanting to hurt her. It feels like being in the arms of his mother and it certainly helps him calm down. "Do you think I can just forget about him and go back to how it was before?"
The old lady sighs. "Do you think you can?"
Taehyun closes his eyes and shakes his head. "No..."
"Then you have your answer."
+×+
The walk home is probably the longest he has ever taken. After the talk with Mijoo, he feels determined to change his life. Not half-heartedly like before. Mijoo told him he can win Beomgyu back and he wants to believe in this tiny hope. Besides, he knows it's too late to return to his old self that only cared about brands and parties.
The illusion is broken. Taehyun knows the emptiness inside his heart will not get filled by those people in the clubs. They have never loved him and he has never loved them. There's only one person he loves - he has ever loved - and he won't be able to win Beomgyu over with his old façade.
Taehyun enters his apartment quietly and kicks his boots into a corner. He walks right over to his wardrobe and opens it. He can see all the items he owns: Rick Owens, Givenchy, Armani...and so on. Names that used to fill him with pride and a fake feeling of happiness.
Taehyun grabs a shirt and throws it to the floor in anger. He wants to do the same with the rest with all of his clothes. Taehyun wants to tear them apart and burn them. But then he remembers how much they cost him - how much money they are worth - and Taehyun has a better idea.
His next days are filled with selling his stuff. Taehyun starts with the bags and other accessories, selling them to merchants in town, his neighbors or pawnshops. He uses the money to pay his bills first, getting water and electricity running again in his apartment.
Taehyun spends another part of the money he earns for food or normal clothes. Although his brand items are used, they still fetch pretty high prices. At some point, Taehyun starts going to an Internet Café to sell the items at online auctions.
It feels strange to have a lot of money again suddenly. Taehyun needs a while to realize that he was never really been poor, he just made himself poor by buying those expensive items, instead of using his money for something proper.
He is by no means rich, even after selling his brand clothes, because he has his college to pay for and other bills, but Taehyun feels better than before. His stomach is clearly thankful for the regular meals and the headaches get less with each day. Taehyun starts to feel healthy again.
He doesn't go to the clubs any of these days, although Taehyun finds himself staring at the shelf full of alcohol in the supermarket from time to time. Sometimes he even meets someone from the club on the streets, but Taehyun does not really care what they say or if they recognize him. Some talk to him and even give a positive response.
"You look better than before!"
"I always thought you need a break from all the clubbing!"
"I was worried, you know! We should hang out for a cup of coffee someday!"
It's weird for him how genuinely worried they seem, despite him walking around like any other regular guy and he's not even buying them any drinks.
Together with Alia he opens La' Creme again after two weeks of break. Mijoo is not able to join them for working, but she's just one floor above them, resting in her home. It takes the two of them a while before they really become a working team.
It's a bit stressful with two people, especially since customers have been flocking to the bakery ever since the reopening. A lot of the local residents have heard about the incident and want to help La' Creme getting back on her feet.
It's touching how much love Mijoo and her bakery are getting, but in Taehyun's eyes it is well deserved. Alia's positive nature is a big help too. She still flinches sometimes when someone makes a loud noise, but Taehyun can see she is doing her best to overcome the trauma.
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So, that is what the message of the whole story is.
Be grateful for what you have, money alone doesn't give happiness. Hope you would take the message I try to convey :)
