Nanny Affair

Chapter Nine:

LOGAN SMITH

Watching Lisa eat is one of the moments I wanna keep experiencing. I know am being a creep but the atmosphere around us is not something I wanna keep forever. This is actually the first time we've eaten together ever since.. well the kiss and to be honest I don't want this night to end.

"You know what will be more fun? Us going to the park tomorrow," Lisa says to Ella who's stuffing her cheeks with her fries

"Like a picnic," Ella says her face bright

"Yes like a picnic we can go in the afternoon coz you don't have school tomorrow," Lisa says wiping Ella's mouth with her thumb. This reminds me so much of her but she's long gone and I don't want to put myself in that position anymore

It was the worst time of my life and I wouldn't want to rewind that.

"Dad.. did you hear that," Ella slaps me away from my trance

"What?"

"You can come with us," I look at Lisa who is looking at how excited to see Ella happy but I don't think she's happy with the idea of me hanging along. Don't get me wrong am happy to spend more time with my daughter and Lisa is not gonna stop me but I just wish I could make things right. It has only been a month of us living together and I care about her way too much, what is wrong with me?

My feelings for her have escalated even more now that Colette is around. All I want to do is sit behind that kitchen counter and watch her cook, I wanna sit on the bathroom floor as she gives Ella a bath. I wanna spend every minute with her and I feel like I've been deprived that forever. It's never going to be the same again and I don't have any idea of how to at least fix us

"I'd love to," Maybe being close to her will at least easen our situation. God I miss her. I miss how she laughs and how she makes cheesy jokes. I even miss seeing her in a dirty apron after Ella has messed up one of her experiments in the kitchen

She looks at me and I see both relief and regret both wash on her face. What is she thinking? Did she want me to come with them or did she not want that?

"What are you thinking Lisa?" I find myself asking. She did not expect me to ask something like that, her shocked face can tell

"What do you mean?" She asks looking at me a smile on her face. I know how bad she forced that smile. She has not even been looking at me the same, she probably thinks am a cheating scumbag. But it was just one kiss which I didn't have control over....But you should have

"Do you want me to come along?" I ask looking straight at her icy blue eyes. How can she be so beautiful and just stumble into my life this late

"Of course and it has been long since you have spent time with Ella," She says looking down her cheeks crimson red
"We should be getting back before Colette realizes we're gone and I wouldn't want that,"

"I'll just ask for the bill," I did not miss the way she looked at me. She hasn't looked at me like that for days and the way her cheeks are still so pink. I have that effect on her, am so excited I can feel my cheeks burn

How did I become such a loser, because of her. Dude calm down it's only a month. Not even a day goes by that am not thinking of kissing her again

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The walk back to the house is silent except for Ella's random singing as she hopped ahead of us. Lisa has a smile plastered on her face as she looks at the Ella is enjoying her young life

"She doesn't have a care in this world," I say suddenly and Lisa looks at my direction and smiles

"Yeah," Yes that's all she could say. I couldn't blame her am in this mess because of me

"Lisa, listen," I say pulling her towards me by her arm. She doesn't bother to pull, I was praying she doesn't

"What is it?" she asks looking up at me. I was taller than her not to the point where I was towering over her but to the point where she had to strain her neck to look at me

"Am sorry," I say and immediately slap myself mentally

"There's nothing to be sorry for, we were both not thinking and it led to something that it shouldn't so it's okay,"

"No it's not okay, am done pretending. I am gonna say it. I know it has only been a month but you have this damned effect on me that sometimes I cant think straight. You make me so angry at myself that I cant control it. Every time you're close I can feel my heart hammering in my chest, it's like you have me wrapped up around your finger..." I stop and look at her. I notice a flicker of something in her eyes, not anger and not regret. It's something else

"Logan, please stop,"

"Trust me I've tried...

"No you don't get it, you're engaged and whatever you're feeling is just an infatuation and it will be over soon as long as we keep our relationship formal. Let's forget about..about.." She looks around as if looking for the right word for it. "The mistake, you said it yourself it wasn't supposed to happen,"

Her words tear me apart. It was a mistake...it was a mistake...a fucking mistake. I have tried telling myself that for days but it just feels so right. It was like it was bound to happen because that mistake unlocked a feeling I had been trying to suppress for years. It crumbled down my walls, the walls that I put up so no one can get to me. Her. She is breaking me even without realizing it

Am sorry Lisa but I cant seem to forget the mistake, and I am positive that she feels it too. She's just scared

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