Poems...

Love?

I grew up in life
Believing in the wrong type of love
Knowing the wrong type of love.  Where people love drugs
More then their children.
Where people don't tell each other
They love them,
They are too busy with their mouth in a bottle or there noses on tables.

I grew up thinking love
Was what my parents had.
She gave up a great job, everything
Because he wanted her to.
I grew up thinking love
Was give everything
And receive nothing.
I grew up pushed aside for better things in their eyes.
So how can someone like me
Know what love is?

I get attached to easily even though I know its wrong
Because I want to feel loved
But I never know how to feel it.
Is there a certain way your supposed to feel?
How do you know your loved?
How do you give love?
I've never been one for emotions
That love brought, that happiness. 
I crave it, I want it
But i know I'm destined to never get it.
Because who says my love won't end up like my parents?
I want the love my grandparents have,
The love my sister has for her husband.
She can do it, why can't I?
Every time I get close I pull away.
I'm not capable of truly loving someone.  I'm not capable of letting people in to see me.
But there is nothing I want more then the sweet type of love,
But I know I'm just destined for the toxic love like before me.
I want 3am cookie making dancing around the kitchen type of love.
I want a man to tell me that
Everything will be okay,
That goes to family functions with me and still will be there for me after.
I want the we are both stable working individuals who come home at night and cuddle on the couch kind of love.
But am I destined for the finding him at bars every night and bringing him home, strange people in the house everyday, depending on everyone else for everything love?
Why did it come so easily for my sister to find the right guy?
Why do I always fail?
Why can't I be loved too?