Poems...

I want

Authors note: This poem is to whoever I love in the future because even though it's really difficult for me to believe that I can be happy, or be loved I want it and hopefully in the future I get it without me trying to self sabotage or my past ruining it. To my future love and also to myself because I want to be happy. Anyways enjoy!

I want
to walk again 
on the streets of my
hometown and not feel
scared or self conscious. 

I want 
to live freely
and love deeply. 

I want
the freedom, 
the respect
and love I deserve. 

I want to feel 
passion, 
and happyness
emotions
other then sadness. 

I want to wake up
besides someone, 
and not think of the past, 
or my demons that haunt me at night. 

I want to be normal, 
but normal is overatted
and even I know that. 

I want relationships
that are steady, 
respectful, 
and not toxic. 

I want to be treated kindly, 
I want to be treated right, 
and I want to be respected. 

I want to have a say too, 
I want to to be included, 
I want talking, 
and compromise. 

I want to not be afraid
of commitment, 
of love, 
of heartbreak, 
of getting hurt again. 

I want to wake up
and know that 
whoever I love, 
will never leave me, 
and I want to know it
for a fact. 

I want to feel wanted, 
I want to feel needed, 
but I don't want to do everything, 
I am not your mother, 
and I am not your babysitter. 

I want to go back to 
where I sang in the showers, 
danced everywhere
to no music, 
and midnight car rides with friends
who understood and accepted me. 

I want you to understand, 
that I am not normal, 
I have crack head energy, 
and yet act like a house cat. 

I want you to understand, 
I don't want to be submissive in the relationship, 
I don't want you to be either, 
I want you to trade snarky responses, 
and throw them right back at me
because I can handle that, 
I am not a fragile doll. 

I want you to understand 
sometimes I don't feel like communicating, 
just laying in bed reading 
makes me happy
and more often then not 
I need those days 
to get back to normal. 

I want walks on the beach, 
and talking with you 
and getting to know
what your favorite color is
to what you wanted to be 
when you were little. 

I want this small, 
the unimportant 
and important details, 
I want to know everything 
and love you for everything 
including the flaws. 

I want cuddles when I am down,
I want to love you 
even when your not 
around. 

I want trust
in me, 
in the relationship, 
and I will trust you. 
I want you to understand 
trust is not something I do 
lightly but I will 
untill I can't. 

I want all of you
the good and the bad, 
I want you to want all of me, 
the good and the bad. 
I don't want you or I 
to be scared of my past, 
to be frightful 
or upset of what was 
and only to look forward to 
what could bloom 
between us. 

I want a healthy
relationship, 
with you 
and with myself.