The Dark Prince (Kylo Ren X Reader)

What Did You Miss?

~one year later~

You stood over the crib, gripping tightly at the wooden frame as the stress bubbled up through your body. His screams pierced your ears like alarm bells, and it took everything in you not to just run out of the palace and pretend that you didn't know it was happening. Your knuckles went white as you seethed, and you cursed in your head all the things you wished you could yell out loud. You took in slow, deep breaths as the high pitched screaming continued, and you closed your eyes for a moment, trying not to snap. 

"Stop," You pleaded, peering back down into the crib, "Please, just stop crying. I can't take it anymore." But your son just stared back up at you, not understanding a word you were saying as he continued to screech. You groaned, turning away from the crib and slumping down into your rocking chair, rubbing roughly at your temples. 

You'd warned Kylo that this would happen. Whenever he left you alone with the baby, things never went well. Surprisingly, he'd been the one to adapt more easily to parenthood than you had. It seemed to come so easily to him, like he wasn't struggling with it at all. It was just natural. And somehow, that made you ten times more frustrated. 

Because for you, it was the hardest thing you'd ever experienced. You couldn't seem to connect with the baby at all. You felt like he hated you, his dark eyes staring up at you in a way that seemed to be filled with rage. You knew that wasn't actually the case, and that you were probably just overthinking all of it, but that didn't stop your mind from convincing you that your son hated you, and that you would never be a good mother. 

What was wrong with you? You seemed to be resistant to any kind of natural maternal instinct. Or at least you felt that way. Kylo told you that you were doing a good job, but you didn't believed him. He just couldn't tell you the truth without hurting your feelings.

Ben stared up at you with wide, tear filled eyes as you sulked back over to the crib, screaming again as you reached down to comfort him. You pulled back, hugging your own figure defeatedly and sighing. 

It was days like these that cemented the idea in your head that you just weren't meant for this. Weeks like these actually, since Kylo hadn't been home for seven days now. He was off on a military excursion, mapping out the boundaries of your territories and setting up outposts in different locations. As King of the newly combined First Order and Resistance, he was in charge of the army, just like his father was before him. But he handled things a little differently than he had. 

You were lost in thought, your head spinning with stress and exhaustion as you suddenly heard a noise from out in the entry way. Your heart leaped, and you smiled, taking one last look at Ben before rushing out of the nursery and into the hallway. You spilled out into the living room just as the door was swinging open, the sight of Kylo's face meeting yours. 

You laughed happily, tears welling in your eyes as you charged towards him. His face lit up instantly as he saw you, his spine straightening as he opened his arms wide. You crashed into his figure moments later, and he wrapped around you, picking you up and spinning you around as he slammed the door closed. 

The two of you tumbled back into the room, collapsing down on the soft couch and melting against one another. You could feel happy tears rolling down your cheeks as he nuzzled against you, kissing your face and neck and hugging you tightly, his hands holding the sides of your head. His weight was crushing you as you rolled around on the sofa, but you didn't care at all, running your hands through his hair and smiling widely.

"God, I missed you so much," You choked, and he smiled, leaning in to kiss you with feverish intensity. He wrapped his arms underneath of your back, pulling your waist to his as he leaned against you.