Insatiable an appetite [Freddie Mercury FanFiction]

"Your life is going to be very difficult"

"Are you not gonna talk to me?" I heard Freddie sigh from the kitchen. I was sitting at the piano trying to learn the major scales again, I had already forgotten them all. It had been a day since Freddie had freaked out. I mean, I don't blame him. I would've felt extremely uncomfortable as well, if that was me.

But I just couldn't get myself to be close to him. No matter how much I wanted to. It was a bit easier with the other boys, since I had no other relation to them, than friends. 

I could tell Freddie was frustrated, but was holding back. He didn't want to hurt me, but I could tell he was hurting himself. It's crazy to think that we've been through so much and it's only been 2 months. I feel like I've known the lads for longer.

"I'm sorry, I'm just out of it" I mumbled and let out a sad sigh. I could feel every inch of my body, wanting to go over and hug Freddie, but at the same time it was holding me back. It was so hard not to be able to touch him, because that's all I wanted.

Fred came over to me and sat down at the other end of the couch. He was clearly struggling to keep a straight face and that made me more upset. I hated that I caused him so much pain. If only I could explain him, what's going on inside of me.

I wanted to tell him everything, I wanted to tell him to be patient and wait for me. But that would only make me extremely selfish. I wanted him to be happy and he was clearly nowhere near that. Maybe I should let him go. Maybe I should end things, make it easier for him when they go to America.

The thought of that broke my heart and tears started streaming down. I felt Freddie look up at me "what's going on Emma?" he asked me with a low voice. "Freddie, I can't do this" I whispered and hid my face in my hands.

"Do what" he whispered back and turned his body against me. "I'm in so much pain, and I'm clearly not making things easy for you" I mumbled and felt like I was floating, as if I couldn't control my own actions. I wanted to talk, but it was so hard getting the words out plus nothing made sense in my head anymore.

"You're leaving for America soon" I mumbled and wiped away the tears. I looked at him and saw he was frowning. "What are you trying to say Em?" he asked with agony. "Fred, I truly believe that you were the love of my life" I sobbed and struggled to continue.

"But I'm broken right now. You have so many things happening, I wouldn't want to hold you back" I whispered and started crying again. I sniffed and looked up at him. To my surprise, he was showing no emotions at all.

"You're not holding me back Emma, don't say that" he quickly said, but I knew he deep down knew it was true. "Maybe some day in the future..." I whispered and looked down at the couch. I started picking a thread, it helped me focus on not completely break down.

"Don't do this" he nearly shouted. "I-I know I've been unfair, but this is just outrageous, I mean really" he exclaimed and waved his arms around. 

I crawled over to him while trying to control my breathing. I placed my hand on his cheek "your life is going to be very difficult" I whispered and teardrops streamed down. He stopped breathing as his eyes started to water. I let out a little sigh and got up from the couch. I took my purse and left his apartment.

****

"Em, are you sure this is what you want?" Chrissie asked me after I told her everything. I sighed and buried my head in her pillow. I'm 100% sure what I want, but that can't happen, so I just lied and said yes. 

"But-"

"No Chrissie. It's for the best" I interrupted her and rolled my eyes. I had cried all night so I had no tears left, luckily, otherwise I'd be crying again.