The Death Of Me {Jamilton}

I'm Just A Lonely Bitch, Stop Assuming

{Alexander's POV}

We were in the car, Thomas was about to start driving and then he paused and turned to me, "I just realized that I have no idea where your cousin's place is... What's the address?"

"Oh right... It's on West Thirty-Fourth Street, I can point it out from there." I answer, I nearly forgot for a moment there that the only place he's driven me to and from was the hospital, I had no reason to go there anymore, not with her gone.

I put my elbow on the console and leaned my head on my hand, my sleeve slipping a bit and revealing the gold bracelet clipped onto my wrist.

"Is that it?" He asked.

"Is what... what?"

"That, the bracelet your wearing, is that the one you bought? For her?"

I glance at my wrist, "Hm... Oh... Uh, yeah... I didn't want to leave it sitting in some case... I don't think she would've wanted that."

He nodded, "It's nice, I hope she enjoyed it."

"She did... She really liked it..." I sighed, what was worse was that it was nearing the end of November, we were approaching December, therefore approaching Christmas, and this was going to be my first Christmas without her by my side, we always spent the holidays together, we'd get each other a small present each, and then spend the day watching movies like Home Alone and Santa Claus, and now I wouldn't be able to. Every time something like this happened I'm sure it would weigh in worse on me that she was truly gone.

Thoms had started driving, and it was when we reached the correct street and I point out the apartment building that I decided on asking him this next question.

"Thomas... Would you like to maybe come inside for a little bit? You can say no! It's just... I don't know... been nice talking to someone..." I mentally facepalmed at my wording, since when did I get nervous? Especially around Thomas Jefferson?

"Huh?" He seemed confused at the offer, and I was beginning to hate myself for asking that question, "Oh, yeah, sure. Your cousin won't mind, will he?"

"No... I don't think he'll mind..." I shook my head.

Thomas parked and then the two of us got out. I took the lead and together we reached my cousin's apartment. I unlocked the door and walked in, "Hey Matt, is it okay if Thomas hangs around for a bit?"

My cousin, Matthew, turned to face me, "Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. He a friend or..?" He gave me a bit of a smirk that caused a bit of heat to rush to my cheeks.

I snatched a pillow off a nearby armchair and smacked him with it, "He is nothing like that! Shut up!"

"I was just saying! I know you lean that way sometimes!" Matt chuckled as he was smacked with the decorative pillow.

"Well it's not that way, so shut your mouth." I grumbled, putting the pillow back on the chair, then I turned my gaze back to Thomas, "My room is this way..." I quickly led him into my bedroom, I don't know why exactly Matt's words embarrassed me so much. Perhaps it was because I didn't tell many people that I was bisexual, or perhaps because it was Thomas of all people that he was suggesting I was hooking up with or dating? I wasn't sure why a simple no couldn't have sufficed, but there was nothing I could do about it, my mind confused even me.

I sat down on my bed, and so did Thomas.

"So, your cousin seems like fun," Thomas commented.

"Sorry about that... I guess he thinks that just cause I'm bi that I'll swoon for every guy I lay my eyes on."

"Don't you love it when people assume that? Both of my older sisters think I'm desperately in love with my best friend Jemmy."

I would've spat out my drink if I had one, "You're bi?" I questioned in shock.

"Yeah? So?" He arched a brow.

"Nothing! Guess I was just surprised... No judgment here! I mean, I did just say I was bi as well, I'd be sort of a hypocrite to judge..."

"Yeah, just a bit." He gave a light chuckle, then a quizzical look crossed his features, "I've got a question for you, Alex."

"Oh, uh, what is it?"

"Did you only need the money because of your mother? Hospital bills and all that... Or was there something more?"

"My mom wasn't in the hospital when we first made the deal, she was admitted the evening before the week I took out of school... Originally it wasn't even about hospital bills, I thought she just had a bad cold..." I looked down, I felt incredibly guilty for my assumptions, as those assumptions might have been the reason she was no longer alive, "Actually, I needed the money because my mother and I were in debt... Well, now it's just me that's in debt... Remember how I told you about my father?"

"Yeah, just earlier you said he was an asshole who left you and your mother... What about him?"

"My mother trusted him with her life... She was devastated when he left... The point is though, she didn't make him sign a prenup because she never thought in a million years that he would cheat or leave her, so when he dropped off those divorce papers, she had to pay a settlement fee, a fucking huge one at that... If we weren't poor enough already, we'd had to scrape stuff together to emigrate so we were in a tight spot only for the divorce and the fees that came with it to follow... I was hoping that money could lift some of the stress off my mother's shoulders, she was always so worried about what might happen if the bank had enough and demanded the owed amount in full, we were barely affording our apartment at the time, if that happened we would've been out on the street, I know the thought of that terrified her, she didn't want us to have to be homeless because she was so trusting, I think she always blamed herself for trusting my father so much, she wished she had done the prenup, but she always put so much trust in every person she met."

"Oh, shit..." I assume he had thought I'd wanted the money for a bit of pocket money or something, "Leaving someone who cares so much about everyone... I couldn't imagine doing something like that..."

"Yeah... As I've said probably a dozen times today... She was amazing... He didn't deserve her, she should've been with someone who truly loved her," I was doing my best not to breakdown, she wouldn't want that, "But she didn't get that... She got a life full of stress and grief... She blamed herself for so much, she blamed herself for my brother... She blamed herself for my father leaving... She blamed herself for us not being able to live a stable life, she always hated that she was the reason I needed a job, but it wasn't her fault... She did the best she could, and it's not her fault that the universe is cruel and unforgiving..." Tears pricked my eyes, and I was about to look away when an arm was wrapped around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry Alexander... No one deserves that shitty of life, no one. I always thought that it was bad to just have somewhat absent parents, but you're mother went through so much worse... And so did you... It isn't right, and on behalf of the universe, I'm sorry."

I gave a light chuckle at his minor joke, "I can't believe I'm saying this... But maybe you're parents should try to get to know you better, dare I say, they might be impressed."

"Am I dreaming, or did I just hear Alexander Hamilton compliment me?"

"Oh shut up, you've been helpful for a while... Plus you're supposed to compliment your friends, aren't you?"

"Friends?" He gave a sort of mockingly shocked face, "Now I never would have dreamed of hearing that, pinch me."

"Seriously, shut up... Before I take it back!"

I would hate to truly admit it, but I was beginning to enjoy Thomas's company more than I ever thought I could've seeing as we had hated each other for so long, and I'll never speak this aloud, but he has a nice smile.

{A/N: Another chapter! I've been getting back to updating almost daily, the story is finally going to be fewer fillers, I was just worried for a while that it would be moving too quickly. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this one! Have a lovely day/night!}