The Death Of Me {Jamilton}

Please, Just Stay With Me A Little Longer

{TW/CW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE}

{Thomas's POV}

I'd managed to get Alex to the couch, and I grabbed him a cup of water while calling the proper medical authorities to come and deal with the body. I glanced at him, he was shaking like a leaf, so I grabbed a straw, that way he didn't spill a bunch of water on himself, he didn't need any reason to be embarrassed, his life seemed to just be rolling downhill quicker and quicker with each day.

I walked back to him, and held the cup towards him, helping him to keep it steady for the first couple of sips. "Some people are going to be coming by to get him down and out of here, okay?"

He nodded, and I decided not to force any verbal answer, but I did decide to ask him a question, one that I already knew the answer to, "... Are you okay?"

He took another sip, then looked at me, he started shaking worse, and after a moment the cup dropped from his hand, and he wrapped his arms around me, "... Why? Why did he leave me?" He croaked.

I didn't care about the fact that some of the water splashed onto me as Alex dropped the cup spilling water anywhere. I returned his hug, and rubbed circles on his back, "I don't know... I didn't know him well, I don't know what he was going through... I'm so sorry Alex... While we're at it... I'm sorry for a lot of things, can you just forgive me? Even if you can't forget all the shit I've caused you to go through..?"

There was a sniffle on his end, and I felt him nod against me, and he started to cry again, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He started mumbling quietly, over and over, and I furrowed my brows.

"What are you apologizing for?" I questioned, he had nothing to apologize for, not right now, he was stressed out, he'd lost his last two family members in the span of two months, he had a ridiculous amount of debt, I couldn't blame him for cutting me out for a small while after I kissed him, he had too much on his mind already.

"I shouldn't have run off... I'm sorry... I should've texted..." His voice was croaky and brittle, quite muffled as well seeing as he was burying his face into my chest/shoulder area.

"Hey, shh," I mumbled, whenever he was in a dark place or he was grieving he always seemed to be receptive to a softer approach, "you don't have to apologize for that... I shouldn't have pressured you with all those daily texts. I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

I heard him give a shaken exhale, "I... I wasn't mad about the kiss..." He admitted quickly and quietly.

"What?"

"... I was scared that... That you would, Uhm, you would leave... I thought it was... I don't know... I-I don't have good luck... With any relationships... They die, or they leave, I didn't think you'd be any different..."

"Listen, I'm not going to be like everybody else. I'm staying right here, even when you get difficult, I'm going to get so annoying that you're trying to shove me out of whatever room we're in, but I won't go, because this is a promise, don't make me superglue myself to you, okay?" I was going to be his emotional crutch whether he liked it or not.

It brought a smile to my face to hear a very quiet choked-up chuckle, "... God, Thomas... How do you do this to me?" Suddenly though he sat up and looked at me, "... Shit..."

"Hm? What is it?" I looked at him, his eyes red and puffy from his intense crying, his hair a mangled mess that for once wasn't held back into a ponytail.

"... I-I'm still seventeen, Thomas I don't know where the fuck I'm supposed to go... I don't even know what happens to seventeen-year-olds without a family!" Panic was starting to mesh into that brittle voice of his.