The Death Of Me {Jamilton}

Dear Thomas Jefferson, You Confuse The Fuck Out Of Me

{Alexander's POV}

I was sat on my bed, attempting to read some random history book I'd gotten from the library a few days ago, I think it was about cold cases or something... I usually had no issue with reading, I could stay up for days on end just to finish books I wanted to read, however, tonight that simply wasn't happening. I kept getting distracted, having to reread a single paragraph over and over just to fully grasp what it had said. Huffing I tossed the book down onto my bed and laid back, why couldn't I just focus? Normally that wasn't an issue for me, you can't exactly be top of all of your classes if you didn't focus on them after all.

My mind started to wander but decided to bring less than welcome thoughts to the front burner. I started to think of how Jefferson had waited for me to wake up even though he could've easily gone to class the second Mr. Washington had left, and then he offered him help at the supermarket, despite the fact they have never once shown interest in helping each other before today. Normally I would refuse handouts of any kind, I could handle myself, but with my mother out of both of her jobs everything was going to be depending on me, so five dollars wasn't going to kill my pride, the issue was that it was Thomas who had given me the five dollars. Why him? Why did he even give a single damn? He was always such a stuck-up pretentious prick.

I let out a small groan, it didn't make any damn sense, but the thoughts weren't letting up. It was hard enough for me to fall asleep on a normal day, but when my mind was reeling with thoughts, not just about Jefferson, but about the fact that I now had the apartment payments, groceries, and every other bill and expense on my shoulders, I'd been helping with expenses since I could get a job, but I'd never had to make enough to support my mother and me without help.

I told my mother it would be okay, I assured her I wouldn't stress out over this, and I was going to keep my promise because she didn't need that on her shoulders. My mother tries to stay strong for me, she doesn't tend to show that she's still grieving my older brother, but I knew she was, which she should be, it hadn't been long since he'd left us.

I moved to lay more comfortably, dropping my head down on my thin pillow, and I just stared up at the dark ceiling, I didn't feel like falling asleep, nor did I feel like being awake at the moment.

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I didn't remember falling asleep last night, but it must've been rather late--or super early if you want to be literal--because waking up I didn't feel rested, at least not much. I sat up and grabbed my old cheapskate flip-phone to check the time.

7:10

Okay, not long to get ready, that's fine. Probably. I pulled on a random t-shirt and some old jeans, as well as the dark green hoodie that I wore daily. I had time to make myself and my mother some buttered toast as long as we still had bread since I didn't have enough to buy bread yesterday.

I headed out to the kitchen, found the bread in our sparsely stocked pantry, and put bread in the toaster, and while I was waiting on it I turned my gaze to my mother.

"Feeling any better today Ma?" I asked, hoping the answer would be a yes.

The small groan answered my question, however, and before she could even ask I turned off the kitchen light that shined into the living room and grabbed her four ibuprofen pills as well as a small glass of water.

"Here," I walked over and handed her the small pills and water, and as if on cue the toaster gave a small ding, "Do you want any toast?" I was glad to see her nod, I didn't know what she came down with, but I was hoping it would get better and not end up bad enough to demand a hospital trip, lord knows we didn't have nearly enough for those type of expenses, especially when they charged for Everything, all the way down to each used tissue or q-tip, it was ridiculous but there was nothing we could really do about it.

I returned to the kitchen and added some butter to the bread, slipping two new pieces of toast before walking my mom's food over to her, "Angelica said the schedule was all filled up, but if anything clears up or anyone needs to call out she'll let me know, okay?"

"I'm sorry... You shouldn't have to work so hard.." My mother answered quietly in a raspy tone.

"Shh, don't apologize about it Ma, it's okay," I whispered in return, then I glanced at the time again, "I gotta get going, I'll see you later, ok?"

"Have a good day, Petit Lion." She murmured back.

I nodded and grabbed my backpack from beside the couch, where I had left it the night prior, "You too, mama." I gently smiled and hurried over to the kitchen, popping out the toast early and starting to eat as I walked out the door, there was no time to add anything to what was basically just warmed bread.

I flipped open my phone and checked my calendar, good, today I had a shift at Machizone and then one at the nearby pizza parlor as a delivery man. Two paychecks coming in wouldn't help as much as four would, but he knew that he wouldn't manage to convince any other companies to give him even a third job, not while he was a high school student, and he wasn't about to drop out of high school, not only did he care about his education, but he knew how disappointed his mother would be. Considering my options, I did realize I could Lie to get a third job at night, or simply leave out that I'm working two jobs already, worth a chance, I'll have to find some jobs to apply to work at during the night shift, if I fail I still have my first two jobs.

What if three jobs aren't enough? What if we lose the apartment because of me? We can't afford to lose that place, it's the cheapest two-bedroom in New York, we could maybe downsize to a one-bedroom, but I don't think either of us wants to sleep every night on the couch.

My gaze grazed my surroundings, and I spotted someone walking when their wallet slipped out of their pocket. Did I feel bad when I quickly picked it up and pretended it was mine? Yes. Did I know that I desperately needed whatever cash was inside? Yes. I could probably just take what was of value and mail the rest back to him, then I didn't have to feel as bad, right?

Okay, fine, it was really bad, but goddammit I needed the money, okay? As I said, I'd mail back the important stuff, like his ID and his credit cards. It was kind of like donating, just he didn't plan to donate today, or maybe he did, just I'm not who he planned to be donating to.

I didn't have the right to sit down or stand at a busy road with a cardboard sign begging for scraps, because I wasn't homeless, but who knows? Without whatever cash I just got, maybe my mother and I would've ended up homeless. Usually, we have four jobs to support us, now we have two, three if I end up lucky, we're at a loss here.

Whoever you are sir, I apologize, but I needed this, I hope you understand.

{{A/N: Hey guys, I know there aren't many of you, but if you do read and enjoy the story, please do consider voting, commenting, and maybe following, I know this story isn't very good, but I haven't written in a while, so hopefully I can get back into it more and my writing style will hopefully improve as the chapters go on. Also, yes, I'm aware there hasn't been much Thomas Jefferson yet, don't worry, that will be changing next chapter! To anyone who does read this, have a good day :) }}