The Death Of Me {Jamilton}

Save Me From Myself, Please

{Alexander's POV}

I was looking at Thomas with an expression that could likely be comparable to that of a deer in the headlights of a car that was ramming forward without a plan of stopping. I was trying to not move too much as each time I did my anxiety-induced nausea worsened exponentially. I flinched each time I heard another roar of thunder, I was hoping that being in the bathroom things would be quieter, plus I thought the lack of windows might help, but I was sorely mistaken.

Thomas seemed concerned, but I couldn't even tell whether he was faking it or not, what if he was lying? What if he'd been playing nice just to turn on me again once he knew it'd tear me down further to drop me like yesterday's newspaper?

"Alex, I'm not lying. I swear that I'm not." Thomas was still trying to convince me, and each time he did there was another mini-war in my head tearing me in two, trying to decide whether he was worth my trust or not.

He seemed to think for a moment as I gave him a quizzical look, still feeling terror press down on my chest, "How about we don't leave? We can just stay here and I'll sit beside you, okay? We'll only move if you want to, got it?"

I paused a moment before gently nodding, slowly pushing myself to be against the wall, I felt like my stomach had flipped upside down, and I shut my eyes tight as I willed myself away from getting sick.

He gently smiled and then moved to sit beside me, "I don't know what happened, or why you're so scared, but listen; I'm sorry for what I said before we got closer, I'm genuinely trying to help, but I don't know how to when I have no idea what's going on." He told me, and this time? I believed him.

I looked at him for a couple of moments, then tears came pouring yet again and I buried my face into his chest, leaning into him, I needed to get this under control. I'd get terrified, either from a storm, or out of a fear of abandonment, and I'd start pushing people away, or self-destructing if I stayed distanced then I didn't have to get as hurt when people left, my mother was one of the only people I didn't distance from and she left me early, she left me, and it shattered me. I knew I needed help, but I didn't know how to get it.

{Thomas's POV}

"--I'm genuinely trying to help, but I don't know how to when I have no idea what's going on."

I looked at Alexander, I was genuinely worried for the guy, after all, how often do you search for your missing peer only to find them in the bathroom sobbing, crying out for their mother, screaming that they needed James and that they needed to go get them when their mother died just recently passed and the only James they've mentioned is their father? Yeah, not very often.

It was a bit of a surprise for me when he suddenly leaned into me, burying his face in my chest as his tears returned quickly. I decided to gently hug him, I was trying to be his friend, and he was having some sort of panicked episode, so I kept trying to help him or comfort him, even though he'd pushed me away several times, screamed at me, and called me a liar, I knew something was majorly freaking him out, so I was doing my best to calm him down, so if that meant him soaking my shirt with his tears, so be it.

I don't know how long exactly we were sat in there, him now seeking comfort in me as I tried to calm him with touch and words, but after a little while, the lights slowly flickered back on, and once Alex had noticed he pulled away. I stood up from the floor and then offered him a hand up, which he took with a grateful, albeit slightly embarrassed smile. The two of us washed our hands seeing as we'd touched the nasty school bathroom floor.

I walked alongside him back to the classroom, I had decided to ask him about his panicked episode later in the privacy of my car, that way we didn't risk anyone overhearing our conversation, just in case it was a sensitive topic, which I easily assumed it was.

---

Eventually, the school day had come to a close, and as had become routine, we exited the school together and made our way to my car, but once we were in, I kept the car in park, then I turned to him.

"Alex, I need to ask you something."

He froze for a second, clearly knowing what I was going to ask, "... Do you need to ask that question?"

"Yes. I think I do." He sighed and nodded so I continued, "What was that in the bathroom? You were crying out for your mother and a James... I thought you were for some reason calling your father by his first name, but then you started saying stuff about your Papa not wanting to go get James... What was happening?"

He started to play with his hair and sleeves a bit, "... I hate storms... I have since I was ten..." After a moment he'd started wringing his hands, "... When I was four... A hurricane destroyed my town, the entire place flooded, I was constantly getting mouth fulls of saltwater, I thought I was as good as dead... Luckily I caught hold of some wood, I noticed that my mother had as well... Along with my older brother James, he was fourteen at the time. I was trying to get to them, failing quite miserably... A wave swept over the two... My mother resurfaced..." He clearly froze, and he let out a shaken breath, "... James didn't. When the flooding subsided I wanted to go out and search for James, but my mother said we couldn't, because she knew what happened, when I kept asking to go search my father shouted at me that even if he was out there we weren't going out into that destroyed town... My mother said he was just stressed, but I was so upset about it... I thought he was out there, I even tried to run away that night to go and search for him... It took over a week for me to realize that he wasn't coming back..."

My features softened, "Alex... I'm so sorry..." I felt like I had been saying that a lot, but it was true, I felt so bad for the guy every time I learned something new about his past, he really truly couldn't catch a break.

We continued to talk as I drove him home, and I pulled up outside his place. "Alex..."

"Hm?" He turned towards me and at that exact moment I pressed my lips to his, I don't even know what exactly came over me at this exact moment, but I just felt the need to do it.

Alex's eyes had widened and he quickly pulled away, "... W-we can't!"

"... Why not..?"

He was clearly blushing, but he shook his head, "We just... Can't." He pushed the door open in a haste.

"ALEX!" I wanted to at least apologize, but he just jumped out and ran inside, he didn't even let me explain myself or apologize if it really was that bad.

{A/N: Don't have much to say this time around, here's another chapter, hope you enjoyed it, please consider Commenting, Voting, and Following. Have a lovely day!}