Hard Fucking Death Core

FIFTEEN (Ruby POV)

I open my eyes bewildered, feeling like I'm running out of air while my brain tries to remember where I am and what day it is: too many concerts in different cities, young girls crying, paparazzi taking pics, TV studios and interviews, every single day looks the same and weed and alcohol add to the confusion... but they also help to chase away my worst nightmares and move on with my life without being forced to jump through a window by the monsters yelling in my head. Something moves in the dark and the feeling of oppression in my chest gets unbearable till I smell a sweet perfume that soothes my anxiety and I remember... Iselen... My muscles get relaxed immediately when I realize she's here with me, almost lying on top of my body in this bunk bed.

I don't know why, I haven't thought about it deeply yet, but when I focus on the journalist the monsters back off and stop pestering me, my stress plummets and sometimes, only a few times, I can be myself... Not the violin child prodigy, the scared teen who hides under the bed to avoid being molested by her father, the traumatized rock star everybody admires, the control freak, the shameless lesbian who flirts nonstop, the friend who attends every party, the kinky lover who likes pain...This is a new "me" I don't know, a woman who feels concern and is able to care about other people's feelings too, a Ruby who knows what empathy means and can show weakness without fearing she'd break down...

This new Ruby is awkward, sometimes I hate her and wish she could vanish so I can take control of my life again but she's fascinating at the same time and I feel attracted to her like a moth to the light... The woman I could've been if my father wasn't an asshole... Iselen seems to be the only person who manages to persuade her to surface, no one has ever reached so deep inside my soul unintentionally and, when I understood the kind of power she had over me, I decided that I had to keep her by my side to be able to watch them both: the journalist and the unknown Ruby.

Why her, why she's special, what's going on, why now, what has changed inside me... Those are unanswered questions I try to ignore, I don't care about why, I just want to know how to handle it so I don't end up hurt. I'm sick of being the one who loses, the one who suffers the consequences... I could've kicked her out of my life, firing her and sending her back to her stupid magazine, moving on and never looking back but I'm curious and, in addition to that, I'm finally able to sleep without drinking or smoking weed till passing out, my overloaded brain is able to get some good quality rest... It's been years since the last time I felt so good despite darkness is still lurking in my mind.

I was about going crazy, about to end my life to be able to silence the monsters, music didn't help me anymore and I was very close to the point of no-return and, suddenly, Iselen walked in my dressing room and those assholes howling in my head chickened out. I knew there was something different about her since the very first moment I saw her with her shabby Converse sneakers and her brand new leather jacket... That feeling of excitement in my stomach, the same I feel when I finally find the perfect chord after struggling with a song for hours, it was the same tingle: something feels right inside me when I look at her. When I think of her, when I touch her skin, when I feel her shattering under my mouth, the desperate cries of the scared girl inside my head vanish and when she sleeps next to me nightmares aren't a problem anymore. I'll do whatever necessary as long as I can sleep in peace, I'll keep her by my side no matter what happens, I can't let her go snatching from my hands the peace I've managed to find finally. I'm scared when I think of what I could do if she leaves...

"Shhh..." I hush her, sliding my hand under her T-shirt and rubbing her back trying to soothe her when I feel she's moving again. My baby girl... She must feel pretty sore given the way I behaved last night. A smugly grin plays across my face when I remember how she tried my three strapons and didn't let her pull away till she cummed several times with each one of them, my fingers rubbed her clit aggressively at the same time, our knees ended up bruised because of the carpet and our legs cramped, the harness straps also left bruises on the skin of my thighs when I finally moved away and she crawled across the mattress whining like a puppy and collapsing exhausted. I enjoyed every minute, every gasp, every plea, every tear, every time her body writhed in agony, every orgasm rippling across her muscles, every curse, the smell of her juices, sweat running down her forehead... And she enjoyed it with me despite her mind still refuses to cooperate sometimes and she seems determined to fight against me. Great, I like them feisty.